verbava все записи автора Frank Lesser – Sad Monsters: Growling on the Outside, Crying on the Inside (2011)

Many monsters suffer from psychological problems, although the warning signs can be easy to miss. Does that vampire stay in his crypt all day because sunlight will burn him to ashes, or because he has social anxiety disorder? Is that zombie always moaning about brains because she’s hungry, or is she projecting her insecurities about never going to college?

***

In this book you will find monsters who are sad, misunderstood, discouraged, lonely, and in many cases demonized, particularly the demons. Perhaps someday you will realize that inside each of them is a human, or at least parts of one.

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I may be an undead fiend, but I’m not an undead jerk. I’ve had centuries to reflect on past relationships, and I’ve learned that no matter how painful it is, honesty is always the best policy. The second-best policy is impalement.

***

I’m marrying my Frankenstein.
Some people think love like ours should be illegal, but if I cared about what’s legal, I never would have broken into those morgues in the first place. Because unlike the rest of this bigoted world, I don’t judge my Frankenstein on what’s rotting on the outside, but what’s rotting on the inside. And if you can’t accept that a man could be deeply in love with a man made of the body parts of other men, then maybe you’re the one with the twisted brain of a criminal.

***

So your buddy went hiking alone in the woods, got bit by a werewolf, and now once a month transforms into a bloodthirsty beast. Don’t worry: You haven’t lost a friend, you’ve gained an amazing pet.

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It may have been tiring to chase that rainbow, but it was worth it once we finally caught it.

***

I don’t want to dwell on the past, but we’re ghosts; it’s what we do. And I know I should move on, too, especially because my curse will only be lifted if a living woman falls in love with me, but girls don’t seem to like meeting guys when they suddenly show up reflected behind them in their bathroom mirrors during thunderstorms. I tried online dating, but no one’s interested in a guy whose eye color is “see-through” and whose body type is “incorporeal.” A few months ago I started casually possessing a human, but she broke up with me because she thought I was too controlling.

***

I ’m sure there’s something you see in him, although I don’t know what he sees in you. Not because you’re not great, but because he has no head and therefore no eyes. I ’m sure he’s a brilliant conversationalist, once you get around him not having a mouth or ears. Are you even sure he knows he’s dating you?

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