первый день... я все сказала... а я все еще скучаю по тебе но ты никогда не узнаешь, ровно как и ты, моя душа... но нему мне нельзя скучать...

господи боже! я и так никуда не хожу со своими друзьями и всю неделю сижу дома! только выхожу со своими родителями в выходной и сразу ты начинаешь на меня орать и обижаться... или со мной что то не так???

as i will remind some, my address now is back at 666ways2die.livejournal.com

Water


The Force of Nature Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

long time since i've been here... oh, well... life doesnt suck but it isnt a good one either... i care not whether i live or die and so on and so forth... and i m staying if UAE... yep, going to a canadian school...do i look thrilled? yeah, i look indifferent!
and by the way, i think i m quiting this page, if you'd want more of me go to
www.livejournal.com/users/666ways2die
seeu around!

товарищи! я счастлива и пока что у меня ничего плохого! всем того же!))
тока вот по истории урала ниче не могем-с на завтра найти так что получит ваш покорный слуга двоечка мухахахахаха!!!!

я чувствую что выросла немного, морально соответственно... но к сожелению или даже к счастью, выросла не со всех сторон...
просто некоторые прошлые поступки лили реакции кажутся настолько глупыми и детскими, что аж смешно... но конечно, нужно и можно себя за такие вещи прощать и учится, что я и делаю... вот вернусь в следующую субботу и посмотрим, действительно ли все по другому... а по-другому будет, ведь даже если ничего более не изменилось, я изменилась, соответственно будет по-другому, надеюсь лучше=)

deftones, Change (In The House of Flies)

I watched you change
Into a fly
I looked away
You were on fire
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change

I took you home
Set you on the glass
I pulled off your wings
Then I laughed
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change

It's like you never had wings...
ahh-ah-aaah (6x)

I look at the cross
Then I look away
Give you the gun
Blow me away

I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change
And you feel alive
You feel alive (2x)
I've watched you change

It's like you never had wings...
ahh-ah-aaah (6x)
You change (3x)
...I'm over...

KIDNEYTHIEVES, BEFORE I'M DEAD
moon hangs round
a blade over my head
reminds me
what to do before I'm dead
night consumes light
and all I dread
reminds me what to do before I'm dead

Sun reclines
ease my mind
reminds me what to leave behind
light eats night
and all I never said
reminds me what to do before I'm...

To see you
to touch you
to see you
to touch you

amber skies, reminds me
what I hide, reminds me
the desert skies
cracks the spies
reminds me what I never tried
the ocean wide salted red
reminds me what to do before I'm...

to see you
to touch you
to feel you
to tell you

the sun reclines.....remind me
the desert skies....remind me
the ocean wide salted red
reminds me what to do before I'm...

to see you
to touch you
to feel you
to tell you

my greatest fear is death... i just can't think of anything else except loosing your memory and your personality but for me it seems all the same...i wonder,if i knew whats coming after death, would i not be afraid....

i dont want to grow old and die just like that... i only have about 60 years but then again what if its not enough? and even not 60, cuz its hard to do something you want when you're old so i have just about 30 years of full normal life... isnt it aweful?

i want to be an immortal but not a lone one... i want to be a vampire cuz there are other vampires to share internity with and even if they'll not be close by i'll still be consious of their presents in the world and thats going to be a comfort...

I ahve no idea what going on. everything seems really ok from the outside of me. No one is really bothering me, i have not much real world problems, i have my favorite reading and almost everything i do is just read or watch movies. I jsut do the stuff i like but inside... everything is shitty, not really now but this flashes come and feel totally broken down, totally like crying, totally alone in this world. at this moment i just have no hope for Lestat coming to get me and take me to his world... no hope of magic, no hope of anything... no hope ven for a soulmate... someone who'd understand, someone who'd think alike, someone who'd take me as i am... just this cold posseing heart-ripping misery lives in me at moment like that... i dont know what it is, i dont know what do make of it...
i want to fly... when was the last time i flied without a book... just flied in my soul... my only happiness and link to life are books and my imagination...

Everything seems s totally ppointless and boring... for me, except of course books maybe, i doubt they will ever be boring to me... anyways....
Maybe we would know better how to spend our lives if we knew what awaits us after death... maybe then we would understand what to do here on earth, either live it just for the fun of it, eat, drink, fuck when ever and with whom ever you want or just live it with higher purposes,, getting ready for what lies after... maybe that IS the real answer to life... actully what life after it it... vast abyss or... or somehting better...

Always the question, what to do with your life? Its sounds as if life is a sort of a dirty rag that is tied to you and you cant tae it off... everyone nagging you with the question, what will you do with it, think and ect.But life is life! Jesus, people! Why should we build our lives according to one and only one scheme? what is i dont want to be like others? What is i want to get ou of his endless circle f ordinary everyday and everyone's dreams: birth, school, university, job, family, birth school, university............................................................................. and forever till the last human being perishes in the ashes of its own cearlessness... but what can i do about it? Nothing... thats our only exit... becuz we are human beings... i want to be a vampire...
Why do i have hopeless dreams? why am i holding on to them? why won't i think like everyone in my age, how to get a boyfreind, how to get enough money for this fantastic pink skirt with fluffy pom-poms...? I am disguesed.... I just can't bare look at people whose world is outlined by only these things... i don't hate the but i just can't grasp how in the world they can't see farther then their own nose?
In this world i am really not looking for the answer to life(which is 42 by the way..lol...) or anything... I jut want to find out whether my dreams can ever came true...
after all i am hopelessly tied to this world and i can't change nothing about it...

Теперь у меня красные волосы... кто нибудь спросит, а какая разница... а я отвечу, большая... так жить веселее... смотришь в зеркало утром и действительно становится радоснее...

Why do people primarily look at how you look? Why if you are good looking most assume that you are suppose to be light hearted and light minded, if no even stupid? And when you show hem you are not like that... they just freak out and leave... or say something like act the way you look...
i dont really care but thats how you get dissapointed... bitterly dissapointed... just loosing faith in people... you dont believe IN them anymore...
What can you expect of this miserable creatures that shit where they leave not bothering to clean up after themselves...?

I want to be a vampire... i think most who would hear this simply harmless statement will start thinking, how can i say that! they feed off peoples blood, they kill and etc. But we, fucking creatures that dare call ourselves HUMAN, kill everyday by thousands with fucking smoke, fucking wastes even with fucking words... and its much much worse... because vampires kill because they can't help it, they kill for food... and we, humans, kill just because we are fucking bored orwhatever... unnecessary death...
But vampires they see beauty everywhere... in everything natural and in everything human and they cherish that with all their might... they dont linger on anything material, as gold, wealth, etc. Because they are above it...
They maybe damned creatures for taking lives but they are like something higher of that... they know true value of things beautiful... they dont distroy anything... they are beautiful themselfves...
i want to be one of them... i want to learn to see beatuty in this miserible world of ours...

i want to go to the highest building and sit on the edge of its roof... and i want a warm wind blowing in my face and through my body, blowing out all the dust that is left in my soul... and then i want rain , gentle warm rain and a mild thunder... and i want to sit there for hours and just watch the sky change... and after sometime i want the grey clouds to tear and i want to see a ray of light go through to the earthcore and i want to feel it on my skin with the rain still pouring gently on my face, oaking the clothes so then i can get rid of them and just dance there... dance with the wind and with the ray of sunlight... with the drops of rain making the invisible music for all the nature to hear...
On the top of the highest building where i can see the whole world... but where there is no one else... where i can claim everything as mine .... just be in love with the sky and the wind and the drops of rain...

"...I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me..."- Evanescence

I dont know but something made me think about love... oh, i wasnt in love for a long long time... and i dont long to flung my self to the mercy of this hard but foolish lady... yes, i belive its a woman just be cuz only women change their mind that fast, like wind changing... makes me think of Mary Poppins...
why i dont want to fall in love? becuz you are weak and strong at the same time... your strength is right where your weakness is... thats love... yes, i think so...
but it turns out that the weakness is takes over.. just becuz love makes you so open... its like giving up your defences, your armour and guns... and i am tiered of the armour... but i dont want to fall in love... becuz you get fooled when you do... cuz it doesnt turn out to be love at the end...
I think love is when the person you think you love is your best friend firstly... you must be sure that you have no other one in the world like him,.., nothing at all phisical, nothiing even in the least just the flutter of your soul when you see him or her, you just long to warp the person in your arms just to try and link your soul with him... just to feel that your souls are one and united... that is only why you want phisical contact...
Otherwise what you feel is only passion... you dont even want to french kiss his person anylonger... it just feels too gross and digustiong... soemthing like a handful of mud on a clear clean pane of glass...
i think i've been in love once...just once i hadnt tried to fool myself... and i am not dissapointed how it turned out.. at least i lived my life almost in a full blow... and now i know what really love means for me, not anyone else...
cuz some foolish brain might imagine love when its not even there... and they are just happy enough lying to themselves... fine with me, its not for me to judge them... and the judging day will reach everyone....perhaps today or even a thousand years later... i m not a god... i do not wish to be even...

So here i am back again...
Watever... everything seems so pointless... though i wouldnt say that i am bohered too much. My problems and thoughts always go not farther then me, myself and people around me. Egoistic. Why not though? Whats wrong with thinking about your self, its my life, not anybody else's. Why should i thin much about others? they have their own head to think about themselves and i dont want it to sound like i'll do anything for me even harm other people cuz i m talking about a totally different egoism. I mean why should i think what is best for, lets say, my cousin and make her do somehting I think is better. She can think of everything herself, she can help herself...
I mean...the only purpose of our lifes is to do what we like, to please ourself, to make ourself, not anyone else, happier...
Some would protest... you'd say, what about charity, some people live to help the poor and homeless or th orphans...
yes, i agree but dont they do it cuz they actually LIKE it, cuz it make THEM feel good to... they too live to please themselves... yes, and even the most saint of saints are like that and you just cant call them egoistic... that would be just wrong... so is egoism actually good? well, i mena the egoism that doesnt go out of bounds... but who makes the bounds? those who llive by them... and its still people... but maybe tomorrow the bounds will stand out of bounds already. Maybe they will be totally different from today...
Then how can you know what is good and whats evil, how can you know what is wrong and what is right? All these morality we have in our days is so... so bendable but not fragile... no, its not that... it is ust made of rubber...
And they say when you do something wrong, then something stirs in your stomach thats says it is truly wrong but you can either ignore it or stop and listen... but were does it come from? cuz it is different with different people... my creature stirs when for example i steal something(not that i do), other's creatures keep quite even when their owners kill... so where does it all come from? Anybody has an answer...? If you do, let me know...

"Француз. Вы - сама изысканность. Любите флиртовать и вести светские беседы на самые разные темы, посему весьма и весьма разговорчивы. Порой производите впечатление легкомысленного человека. Будьте пос"




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"Коул"

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" Эми ли.Крутая дамочка, которая если что может дасть любому по морде, строит из себя немного больше, чем есть на самом деле."


assets
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Пройти тест "какая ты певица (Бритни, Аврил, A.Lee-Evanescence или Мисси Элиотт)"