В колонках играет - Bob Sinclar - Kiss My Eyes

Every Girl's Dreams (with guy comments):

1. Getting kissed in the pouring rain.
(And then developing pneumonia because you were too stupid to use an umbrella.)

2. Have that one hot kiss where you're pressed against the wall.
(And then pressing charges for sexual assault.)

3. Have a guy that thinks you're the world.
(Because men who think about anything other than you are obviously unfaithful!)

4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs.
(Nothing beats a collapsed lung, right?)

5. A guy that you don't have to be with 24/7 to know that he loves you.
(Because you had a special microchip embedded into his feeble brain to control him with.)

6. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.
(And then dies of dehydration because tears are saltwater and you cry all the time!)

7. A guy who tells you that your smile makes everything better.
(Sure you cheated on him with an entire football team, but just smile and everything will be better.)

8. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window.
(Regardless of musical incompetence and uses an accordion.)

9. A guy who squeezes your hand.
(And because of this you develop premature arthritis, yay!)

10. A guy that says he loves you and means it.
(Aside from the guys that say "I love you" and mean it as a punch line.)

11. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance.
(Even if you were screwing his best friend and brother at the same time.)

12. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead.
(Even when it's covered with pus-dripping zits.)

13. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it.
(What could possibly beat getting a migraine from your a tone-deaf boyfriend as he bellows Snoop Dogg's "Trust Me".)

14. A guy who stands up for you no matter who he is against.
(Especially if you're in trouble with the Mob. Just hope he hasn't seen Scarface.)

15. A guy that will never judge you for how you look.
(Then why are you constantly asking to judge if other women are prettier than you?)

16. A guy who you can hangout and have fun with.
(Which means that he had better have fun by watching you get your nails done and spend all of his money on handbags and shoes.)

17. A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life.
(Like when you dump him for that rich doctor you've always dreamed about.)

18. A guy that tells you everything honestly.
(Because every girl wants to hear the truth when they ask their boyfriend if he thinks they're too fat.)

19. A guy that will always let you win.
(Even if the girl knows she's terrible at a game she wants a guy to blatantly lie to her and pretend he sucks even more she does just to make her sad ego feel better.)

20. Wearing his jacket and every time you breathe in, his scent surrounds you.
(And since he just finished smoking a huge rock of crack, you get a nice contact buzz.)

21. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get.
(You know real tear-jerkers like Debbie Does Dallas, and Backdoor Sluts 9.)

22. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable... not hot, fine, or sexy.
(The reason he doesn't call you sexy is because you're ugly and you're only adorable in the same way a baby covered in afterbirth is adorable.)

76 просмотров

For entertainment purposes only.

В колонках играет - Lil Wayne feat. Static Major - Lollipop

And that's true!!

В колонках играет - Scorpions-I'm still loving you

Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conclusive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged :

 

 

• MATURITY
  Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults with the exception of a teen magazine vocabulary.

  Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

   

• HATS
  Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

   

• COMEDY
  Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited - they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge.

  The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

   

• HANDWRITING
  To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

  Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

   

• BATHROOMS
  A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

  The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437.
  A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

   

• MAGAZINES
  Women's magazines have sexy women on the cover.

  Men's magazines have sexy women on the cover.

   

• GROCERIES
  A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.

  A man waits until the only items left in his refrigerator are half of a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than a clown car. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

   

• GOING OUT
  When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.

  When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup ...

   

• WORK SHOES
  When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When she arrives at work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk.

  A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.

   

• OTHER SHOES
  Women have millions of shoes, one for every outfit.

  Men have millions of shoes, one for every sport or athletic activity.

   

• CATS
  Women love cats.

  Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

   

• MIRRORS
  Women look into mirrors for hours arranging makeup and doing a million things to their hair only to decide they are having a bad hair day.

  Men look into the mirror before they go out for no apparent reason.

   

• GARAGES
  Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.

  Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages and they build useless wooden things in garages.

   

• MOVIES
  For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivian Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind."

  For men, it's when the entire 3rd floor of the research lab blows up but the terminator drives out in "Terminator II".

  In general, women like movies with more romance than competition and violence (which they call "Male Testosterone Movies"). Men like movies with more competition and violence than romance (which they call "Chick Flicks").

   

• JEWELRY
  Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

  A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it.
  Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

   

• MENOPAUSE
  When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual.

  Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.

   

• THE TELEPHONE
  Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

  A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

   

• DIRECTIONS
  If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.

  Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there," and "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store."

   

• ADMITTING MISTAKES
  Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.

  The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

   

• OFFSPRING
  Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

  A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

   

• DRESSING UP
  A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail ...

  A man will dress up for : weddings, funerals.

   

• DAVID LETTERMAN
  Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the earth.

  Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

   

• CAMERAS
  Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes.

  Women purchase Kodak Instamatics, and often produce better-looking shots.

   

• POLITICS
  Men love to talk about politics, but they often forget to do political things such as voting.

  Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

   

• LAUNDRY
  Women do laundry every couple of days.

  A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

   

• WEDDINGS
  When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony," what everyone wore, and who cried the most.

  Men try and change the subject.

   

• CHEERLEADERS
  Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American.

  Male cheerleaders are scary.

   

• SOCKS
  Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.

  Women wear strange socks. They are cut below the ankles, have pictures of teddy bears or hearts on them, and are most likely pink.

   

• TOYS
  Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

  Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys : miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, computer programs that do useless things very fast, video games and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.

   

• PLANTS
  A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man will water the plants.

  The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants . No one knows why this happens.

   

• MUSTACHES
  Some men look good with mustaches : Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.

  There are no women who look good with mustaches.

   

• NICKNAMES
  With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of nicknames. If Jennifer, Susan, Kristen and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Jennifer, Susan, Kristen and Michelle.

  But if Mike, Dave and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Peanut-Brain and Useless.

   

• HAIRCUTS
  For men haircuts are a short and simple process : make an appointment, go in, come out with your hair slightly shorter.

  For women the process is much more complicated. First, numerous hair styles, colorings and lengths must be considered. The only hairstylist in the world they trust must be reserved. The whole process is filled with excitement and worry. And finally she hides from the world for several days because she is not sure if she likes her new haircut.

   

• SPORTS
  Women like sports that are judged on grace and beauty, such as gymnastics and figure skating.

  Men like sports that are judged on physical aggression and violence, such as football, hockey and boxing.

  There are no sports that both men and women enjoy. Full contact gymnastics never got off the ground.

The 5 toughest questions women ask - and their answers

The five questions are :
1 -  "What are you thinking?"
2 -  "Do you love me?"
3 -  "Do I look fat?"
4 -  "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 -  "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not
answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.  For example:
1 -  "What are you thinking?"  The proper answer to this question, of
course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.  I was just reflecting
on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful
woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what
the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of
five things:
a -  Baseball
b -  Football
c -  How fat you are.
d -  How much prettier she is than you.
e -  How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid
question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it
by his wife, Peg.  "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking
instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many
wrong answers:
2 -  "Do you love me?"  The correct answer to this question is,
"Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you
may answer, "Yes, dear. Wrong answers include:
a -  I suppose so.
b -  Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c -  That depends on what you mean by "love".
d -  Does it matter?
e -  Who, me?
3 -  "Do I look fat?"  The correct male response to this question is to
confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then
quickly leave the room.  Wrong answers include:
a -  I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b -  Compared to what?
c -  A little extra weight looks good on you.
d -  I've seen fatter.
e -  Could you repeat the question?  I was thinking about your
insurance policy.
4 -  "Do you think she's prettier than me?"  The "she" in the question
could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard
thay you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you
just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much
prettier." Wrong answers include:
a -  Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b -  I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c -  Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d -  Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e -  Could you repeat the question?  I was thinking about your
insurance policy.
5 -  "What would you do if I died?"  Correct answer:  "Dearest love,
in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have
meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front
tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."  This
might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the
following stupid joke:
"Dear," said the wife.  "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.  "Why
do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?"  persevered the wife.
"No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long
pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would."  replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly."  And would you let her wear my
old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily.  "And would you take down the
pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes.  I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?"  said the wife, leaping to her feet.  "And I suppose
you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband.  "She is left-handed."

В колонках играет - Evelyn Glennie-Born to be wild