Grandma and I had a big fight today. I was going to write “a huge fight”, but on our scale it wasn’t such a big deal, we’ve had worse.

I said some really hurtful stuff to her, that I have no love for her anymore, which is kinda true, but when I came home after a while she behaved like nothing had happened, so now I feel guilty.

I know that one of the reasons she didn’t tell me to go fuck myself is that she depends on me now,

but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel like a real bitch. Actually I feel pretty bad right now.

I have this knot in my chest and I’m trying to cry to let it all out, but I can’t. I’m even watching “7 pounds”, but it’s not working either.

When I manage to start, I can stop any moment and it doesn’t bring me any relief.

It’s like trying to vomit when you have nothing in you.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have very much time, because my life will be taken from me, because right now I’m plainly wasting it.