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I don't know what's wrong with me. In the morning I was happy and now I'm so sad. I want to make some changes in my life, cause I'm so tired of my days that are look like each other. I don't want to go to sleep. I just to go somwhere where I wouldn't know anyone. I can't see my reflaction in the mirror. I'm so ugly to myself. I just want to sit by the window and smoke alot, drunk some alcohol. I'm so absurd in this life. I want this thoughts were leave me, but they don't want it. I look at the star from my window and I know that somewhere you are smiling or laughing, may be you are walking with someone at this moment and I can't talk to you. And on another side I don't want to talk to you, cause I don't want to make you sad. I'm so sad and so bored. My life is so bored and not interesting. I don't know what I want, so I just smoke again and again. I want to cry but my tears don't fall. May be it would be better if I'm crying, but I can't. I haven't got any tears. I just opened the next bottle of the bear and drunk it and smoke again. It's my six or eight cigarete for a last few minutes. May be I must go to sleep and I will feel myself better in the morning. But I don't want anything. I just want stay here with my cigaretes, drunks, pen and paper, and just smoke, drunk, write something and look an that star from my window. My hand write this words without my wish. May be I drunk alot of alcohol and smoke alot, I don't know. I need something, but I don't know what I need. I don't want to see someone but everyone are at home. So I sit in my room and closed the door on the lock. I say to myself that tommorow will be better, but I know that it's not true. I want to have someone in my life, someone who love me and whom I love, but I havn't got anyone. I'm so tired to be alon. May be it's my folt. I know that somwhere live guy who love me, but he is so far from me. May be I will never met him. I just know that I love him. He makes me smile and happy. But I don't want he even know about my bored and sad. I love him so much, so I want he would be happy anytime and anywhere. And if he ask me how am I, I will answered that everything is ok and I'm happy. Of course I'm happy to talk to him, but in my soul I'm so tired to be so far. Cause I just want to huge him and kiss his lips and take his hand in mine and look at his eyes and see his smile and have some fun with him. I want to make some romantic things for him, for his heart. I just remmember one song where was sing the words: "I was born to make you happy..", so may be I was born to made him happy. I just want to be with him. But now everything is not like I want, so that was why I drunk alot of alcohol and smoke alot now. I'm alone. And I know it. I know that I'm alone in all over the world, cause I'm here and he is there. When I have night, like this one, he had day and it's random. And if I met him once I know that I would do everything to made him happy and everything to be with him so long so I can.I'm just sad. Sad cause I'm not with him. And that was a story of my soul. I'm crying. But this story is only one small part of my soul..