March 11 woo hoo cant wait
i get to go to the taste of chaos tour! its gunna be an awesome time!

so uh yeah i got a job a little while ago i work at hungry howies
on Eureka so if ya know me you gotta go up there on fridays and saturdays
yeah my next check i gets a lot of money...wooo!
my life with my friends right now is gettin purrty crazy...one of them is pregnant and doesnt know if she wants to keep it or not
one is moving and is about to have an emotional break down
some i haardly see cuz of work and other things goin on in my life
i miss them soo much i wish i could be with them more



i've been feelin kinda lonely lately seein everyone around me with a someone to hold them and like them...i'm not sayin love because i dont think i am ready for that now its such a big thing and i wouldnt be able to make the sacrifices i would have to make for it


well i've been sober for a while now so i'm doin good with that...
so far anyway
everytime i go to emmy's its like omg i wanna drink so bad
and its hard to not do it but i think i'm doin good. i'm makin progress

school there isnt much to it it seems a lot easier and in my biology
class i feel super smart like i should be in advance bio
uhm everyother class is just takin notes or setting up for plays so
there isnt really that much to it and i'm doin purrty good i have all A's and one B+ so there is no complaints there

oh my mom is being such a dick...every weekend i go over my brothers house because thats how i get to and from work on friday and saturday + i clean his house on fridays because of a bet i lost and now she is like well i dont think you should be goin over your brothers house and blah blah blah
she makes me out to be this horrible child when in reality i'm not
i think i am a good daughter/student/whatever the hell else there is

i dont make mistakes a lot and when i do i fix them its also like she
wants to see me fail like i shouldnt be the to succeed my sister kim
should

she makes me feel like shit and all i do is try to be this child that
she wants this wonderful kid
whatever putting mask on myself is the hardest thing to do and thats what i've been doing for the longest time and its all for her
she doesnt care that what i do now in the long run will benefit her
she just doenst care
another thing is when my other sisters or my brother were to make a
mistake she would just blow it off and tell them its ok and all that
happy shit but if i were to make a mistake then shs is down my throat
telling me that i'm stupid and that i need to re-do my life that my life is worth nothing and that if i screw up i'll never make it in the real world

i havent the heart to tell her that she was the cause of my break down that everything i did before i got help was because of how she made me feel how she would always put me down and all that

i love my mom i do but living with her is like hell and if i dont get out then i think the same stuff that happened before will happen again and i really really dont want that

i think that the best thing for me right now is to just get away from her and recover that way if/when i come back i'll know how to deal with it and i wont turn to drugs and alcohol like i used to
i think she needs to realize what she is doing to me mentaly and how it will effect my future


ok well i will stop complaining now and get on with my life
maybe go play the sims because its fuckin awesome and i love it or maybe take a walk or something i dont know well yeah if you read this thing i guess thanks or w/e

TASTE OF CHAOS! HELL YEAH BITCHES I'M GOIN' WOO HOO!