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The Man Rules |
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At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1 ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit..
2. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really ! ..
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to di scuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - & to give them a bigger laugh. :))))
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Email to Wife |
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Lessons in Logic |
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If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...........
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... ..
so why practice?
........... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
........... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..........
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..........
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
............ ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ..........
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..........
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
............ .......... ......... .......... ......... ......... .........
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two women.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.
............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ..........
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... .........
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
............ .......... ......... ......... .......... ......... .........
Never put off work till tomorrow
put it off today.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ..........
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
............ .......... ......... ......... ........ ......... ..........
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ..........
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
............ .......... ......... ........ ......... .......... .........
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
............ ......... ......... ........ .......... ......... ..........
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station...
what more can I say........
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3 Women and 3 Men |
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Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football game.
At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket. 'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men.
'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket, please. The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed man.
'Watch and learn,' answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding. The woman knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket, please.'
I'm still trying to figure out why men ever think they are smarter than women.
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!!!!! |
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SPAGHETTI |
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Life Is Good |
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