For all of those who doesn't watch news:
One of the great tragedies of this war is the disappearance of Iraqi Information Minister Mohammad Said al-Sahhaf. So I, like many others, have compiled of a list of my favorite statements from the man who cannot tell a lie.

"The invasion is a lie."

"As our leader Saddam Hussein said, God is grilling their stomachs in hell. I think we will finish them soon."

"The infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad."

"It is difficult for the US forces that are surrounded in Saddam airport to come out alive. Now the entire direction is in our favor and we will annihilate what is left of the forces that attacked the airport."

"We are going to tackle them and going to destroy them. We will not surrender. The US will surrender or we will burn their tanks."

"Baghdad is bracing to pummel the invaders."

"The military top brass of the United States and its allies have to resort to brazen lies to conceal the failure."

On April 5, CNN and Al Jazeera aired footage shot by an Associated Press cameraman that showed U.S. troops defeating a Republican Guard unit just outside Baghdad. Asked about it, al-Sahhaf said, "These images are not the suburbs of Baghdad.… From what I glimpsed, these gardens with rows of palm trees on the side, which you saw in the images, are located in the south of Abu Ghreib, where we have surrounded the Americans and British."

On April 6, after coalition forces seized Baghdad's Saddam Airport, renamed it Baghdad International Airport, started flying planes in, and ventured into Baghdad itself, the Miami Herald quoted al-Sahhaf saying, "We butchered the force present at the airport."

On April 7, after U.S. troops penetrated central Baghdad and stormed Saddam's Republican Palace, the Washington Post quoted al-Sahhaf saying, "There is no presence of the American columns in the city of Baghdad at all. We besieged them and we killed most of them."

"The soldiers of Saddam Hussein have given them a lesson they will never forget. Actually. In fact. In this meeting I will not mention the number of the people killed from their troops, or what has been destroyed."

"The battle is still going on, and I can say, and you can actually mark it for me, you can record it for me, they are beginning to commit suicide on the walls of Baghdad, and we will in fact encourage them to commit more suicides."

"We have given them, in fact, death and poison, the bitterness, and hope God's willing he will give you the information, I will give you the information. Those mercenaries, God's, I swear by my God, those who are staying in Washington, they have sent their troops to be burned."

"Exactly as President Saddam said, God will burn their bellies in hell. This is an Arabic еxprеssiоn, in fact, because the killing they have seen, they witnessed yesterday, will give a lesson to those mercenaries and the criminals at war who are staying in Washington now. They are… they've started to in fact, suicide."

"They are lying every day. They are lying always, and mainly they are lying to their public opinion. What they say about a breakthrough is completely an illusion."

"The authority of the civil defense issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps."

"I am not talking about the American people and the British people. I am talking about those mercenaries. They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."

"I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place."

People Who Don't Keep Up With the News
The Transportation Security Administration revealed in March that, in the last 12 months, airline passengers at U.S. airports had been found by screeners to have tried to board with 4.8 million prohibited items, including 1.4 million knives, 1,100 guns, 125,000 incendiary items and 40,000 box-cutters. And in February, a 45-year-old Japanese tourist attempted to board a flight at Miami International Airport carrying a canister of gasoline, two boxes of matches and a barbecue grill, and he was taken into custody when he refused to give them up. [CNN-AP, 3-10-03]

University of Manitoba professor Rod Yellon's appeal of his 1998 traffic ticket for running a stop sign (reported in News of the Weird last year) was rejected in February, and it appears he will now have to pay the fine, equal to about US$35. Yellon's strategy alternated between complaining of being oppressed and boycotting court proceedings, and in fact he was convicted in absentia. He refuses to pay the ticket because he thinks the word "stop" on a stop sign is too vague and that the government should set precisely calibrated standards of what it means to "stop." [Winnipeg Free Press, 2-26-03]

Police in Warren, Ohio, arrested Roger A. Hunt, 41, on New Year's Day and charged him with kidnapping his girlfriend, despite his story that the couple were just blissfully headed out to dinner in his truck. Police said their suspicions were aroused when they noticed that the woman was barefoot and Hunt tried to explain that by saying, "She's from Virginia. She doesn't wear shoes (when she goes out to dinner)." [Tribune-Chronicle (Warren), 1-3-03]

Top Pentagon and CIA officials met with the author of "The Bible Code," who said Osama bin Laden's whereabouts can be detected by connecting letters from ancient Hebrew (February). And eight hours before the U.S.'s "Orange" alert on Feb. 7, four heavily armed Cuban military men wandered through downtown Key West, Fla., unknown to anyone in Washington. (Turned out they had arrived by boat to defect and were looking for someone to surrender to.) And Jake Greenwald announced he would offer "terror tours" in Israel for $5,000 each to visitors wanting helicopter and simulated-games tours of West Bank bomb and battle sites (but has suspended the venture because of the war in Iraq) (March). [Wall Street Journal, 2-28-03]

Belgian actor Benjamin Verdonck lived nearly naked in a cage with a pig in Ghent for three days in November hoping the pig would "teach" him why there is such strife in the world (results not reported). And James Albert Ernest Togo, 20, of Brisbane, arrested for mooning a policeman, claimed in December that Australia's Constitution gave him the right to stick out his bare buttocks in political protest, which he said was part of his Aboriginal tradition. And in October, in the midst of a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals anti-milk demonstration at an Aberdeen, Scotland, high school, about 100 milk-loving students spent 10 minutes angrily drenching PETA's cow-costumed spokesman with milk. [Reuters, 11-15-02]

Also, in the Last Month ...
A 43-year-old woman, wanting some fruit, was arrested at around 5 a.m., angrily throwing bricks through the front window of a grocery store just because it wasn't open yet (Hot Springs, Ark.). Hillside Cemetery received a bill in the mail from the phone company addressed to one of its "residents" (buried, 1997) for a call he supposedly made early this year (Auburn, Mass.). A first-grader became the latest kid suspended from school for having a nonweapon "weapon" (a plastic school cafeteria knife), but his parents threatened criminal charges against the school (for arming 6-year-olds with weapons) if the suspension stood. [Boston Globe-AP, 3-13-03]

These lines are actual lines from Military Performance Appraisals:

1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
2. A room temperature IQ.
3. Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
4. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
5. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
6. Bright as Alaska in December.
7. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
8. He's so dense light bends around him.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."

1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
15. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain-store."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
18. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
19. "The Company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."
21. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way. But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites you must have first.

Compare these thoughts and see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar, draftdodger and sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

Actual excerpts from classified ad sections of city newspapers.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale

3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on thejob. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

9. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steam roller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Давайте посмотрим, почитаем между строк и пофонтазируем о будущем... Переступим через Ирак, подумаем о будущем...

Я думаю што через 25 лет, Президент Джердж W. Буш будет описан как один из самых величайшый президентов США. Он войдёт в историю как великий миротворец.
Об ираке никто и помнить небудет (как же как и о Советских войсках в Анголе, Гренаде, Мозамбике или Никарагуа)...

Што люди будут помнить? То што (моё личное мнение) ему удастся разрешить мировую проблему которую пытаются разрешить чуть ли не каждый политик мировово значения последние 55 лет, а именно Израель - Палестина.

Ведь все ети годы все пытались посадить за стол переговоров Израильтян и Палистинцев, а Буш пошел другим путем...

косвеными жертвами войны Америки против тероризма являются те же страны што и основные помошники палестинцев в тероризме против израиля. Смена режыма в Ираке и Сирии (и в Ливане, контролируемово Сирией) отрежет палестинцев от всех средств поддержки, а также подаст хороший сигнал остальным странам поддержывающих тероризм...
А без поддержки их режим рухнет также как и рухнул Багдад, а если не успеет рухнуть, то они станут намного более разговорчивые за столом перегоровов, чем сейчас...

-- The water-proof towel
-- Glow in the dark sunglasses
-- Solar powered flashlights
-- Submarine screen doors
-- A book on how to read
-- Inflatable dart boards
-- A dictionary index
-- Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
-- Powdered water
-- Pedal-powered wheel chairs
-- Waterproof tea bags
-- Watermelon seed sorter
-- Zero proof alcohol
-- Reusable ice cubes
-- See-through toilet tissue
-- Skinless bananas
-- Do-it-yourself road map
-- Turnip ice cream
-- Toe implants
-- An all white flag
-- Rolls Royce pickup truck
-- Helicopter Ejector Seat

MOODS OF A WOMAN

An angel of truth, and a dream of fiction,
A woman is, a bundle of contradiction.

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend, alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.

She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.


MOODS OF A MAN

Sex

1. Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.

2. When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned you and your buds may be....is it NOT appropriate to rub sunscreen on each other's backs.

3. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't see nothin'.

4. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

5. When in need to go pee, there is a minimum of one empty urinal between you and another man. If this is not possible, you're out of luck----hold it 'til later.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call you on it. (Exception: When trying to pick-up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%).

7. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

8. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

9. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

10. Things that you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SAT's, and your resume. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.

11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

14. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail out a friend within 12 hours.

15. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly optional).

16. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

17. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

18. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask who's playing.

20. It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless model....and it's free.

21. Only in a situation of mortal peril are you allowed to kick another member of the male species in the "family jewels."

22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible "I recognize you" nod is all the conversation you need.

23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to do her.

24. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war against Iraq.
I enjoy reading opinions from both sides but I have detected a hint of confusion from some of you.
As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice someone ever gave me, the kiss method (keep it simple, stupid!)
So, with this as a theme, I'd like to apply this theory for those who don't quite get it (or can’t quite catch up with a moving train). My hope is that we can simplify things a bit and recognize a few important facts.

Here are 10 things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important issue:
1) Between President Bush and Saddam Hussein ... Hussein is the bad guy.
2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right thing keep this in mind, they have Libya heading the committee on human rights and Iraq heading the global disarmament committee. Do your own math here. (Check the facts if you think it’s a joke)
3) If you use Google search and type in "French military victories," your reply will be "did you mean French military defeats?"
4) If your only anti-war slogan is "no war for oil," sue your school district for allowing you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the education you deserve. :)
5) Saddam and bin Laden will not seek United Nations approval before they try to kill us.
6) Despite common belief, Martin Sheen is not the president. He plays one on TV (“The left wing”).
7) Even if you are anti-war, you are still an "infidel!" and bin Laden wants you dead, too.
8) If you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy" but not in the danger that Hussein poses, quit hanging out with the dell computer dude.
9) We are not trying to liberate them.
10) Whether you are for military action or against it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend our right to speak out. We all need to support them without reservation.

SUC MI PAGODA
Cuntonese Cuisine
6969 Fellation Blvd.
Escondildo, CA 12698
281-6969

That's "Two ate one - Sixty-nine, Sixty-nine"
PORKING IN THE REAR
___________________________________________________
A LA CARTE
$2.69 each

CUM DROP SOUP
Fresh Every 2.7 Days

PEE YU PLATTER
Clothes Pins Extra

HOO FLUNG POO
Napkins & Raincoats Provided

SUC SUM TIT
Children's Special

YUNG POON TANG
No Take Out Orders Accepted



LUNCHEON SPECIALS

1. SUM YUNG CHICK..........$6.99
Different and Delicious
2. WON HUNG LO..............$6.99
Chinese Meatballs
3. SUM DUM FUC..............$9.69
Same - #1 But With Extra Sauce
4. CHU SUM TWAT............$16.99
Dinner - Parties Of 3 Or More
5. SUC MI PORK..............$9.69
Chef's Special FUC YU MAN...............$6.69
Specialty Of The House


DINNER COMBINATIONS

1. GOO IN HAND...........$9.69
For Those Dining Alone
2. GOO WEE CHICK.........$6.99
Sloppy Seconds - No Charge
3. CUM TU SOON...........$6.99
Order Early - These Go Fast
4. SUC MI WANG...........$6.99
Traditional Chinese Meatloaf
5. SUM DUM CHICK.........$4.99
You Get What You Pay For
6. FUC MEI SLO...........$6.69
Not Available After 10PM
7. LIK MI CLIT...........$6.99
A Delicious Lick Smacking Oriental Delicacy
8. CHO KON IT............$9.99
Not For The Light Throated
9. FUC SUM NOW...........$6.99
For Those In A Hurry
10. WAI TU YUNG..........$4.99
Not Available On School Nights

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG .

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED *************CALL CHUBBIE

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT..BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.

GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED

AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on the American Male's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Hello all.
It's me EddieUSA.
I couldn't solve technical problems with my daily, so I've created this new screenname, which I am going to use from now on.
Yours trully
Ed