JOKES ABOUT ELDERS 1...
11 of september 2001.
When the terrorists hi-jacked planes, there was a someone in each plane who summoned Elders Iliary, Pokna Mosiri and Khazili into themselves... After elimination of terrorists and some passangers just for fun. Then Elders had a bet: who the best pilot is...
Khazili: ''I'll fly in the gap between this two high buildings!''
But he runned into one of them...
Pokna Mosiri: ''Kid! I'll do it!''
But he runned into second building...
ILIARY: ''Puppies! I'll land on PENTAGON!!!''
Madrid. 11 march 2004. Train station.
Phone rings...
-Is it train station?
-Yes.
Caller hanged down.
After 5 minutes phone rings. Same voice...
-Is it train station?
-Yes.
-Fuck!
Caller hanged down.
After 5 minutes phone rings another time. Same voice too...
-Is it train station?
-Yes.
-Fuck! When will this fucking bomb explode?..
ILIARY is tying with ropes undressed Alsou to bed, saying not to be affraid because he would do IT only once.
Alsou isn't a virgin, so she calms down...
Then ILIARY goes to another room and comes with... AXE!!!
ILIARY: ''Yes. There will be no second time, because I don't think that chopping dead body is funny...''
Hotel. Iliary is trowing old lady from the window saying: ''Sorry, Mem, but the lift doesn't work and you have weak legs and can't go downstairs...
I'm helping YOU!''
If Iziliry had a rifle on a wall you can be sure that he won't shoot you - he just break this gun by your head!
Iliary is holding his fist near his victim's face, saying: ''Youself. Two times...''
Letiliry (in ghoul's body) is selling 'toy' guns to children with credo: '' Just point this gun at me and pull the trigger- BANG! - but I'm stil ALIVE!!!''
Pokna Mosiri: ''Oh, Jill! What a quiet fat but very beautyfull girl! And he skin is good cover for my shoes...''
Iliary has occasionaly made a fatal wound to someone. He said: ''Don't vary-you death will be revenged!''
Iliary (human) is peeing on Muslim temple saying: ''God! Kill me with lighting if you can!''
Lighting strikes on another Muslim temple. God missed!
Iliary in Durden Tyler's form is saying to Cornelius: '' I'm only a piece of your diseased imagination... But very mighty piece!''
Iliary is torturing someone:
'' Hammer and nails is for kids, torch is unfunny, screw-driver is for teen-age girls and lanzet' is... unfashionable. But I have lived 14 lives as human and 7 centures as Elder, so I have a rich imagination. So, my choose is TOOTH-BRUSH. Just imagine, what can I do with IT to you.!''
Khasili: ''The only way to recognize your corpse is DNA analyz...''
Interview with Iliary. Reporter: ''Everybody told that you are sadist...''' Iliary is angry like alwayes. Reporter: ''Sorry, I don't want to make you upset...''
Iliary: ''All is OK. Don't affraid me. 5 minutes ago i decided to put screwdriver into your ear ignoring your questions after 10 minutes speech. So you have 5 minutes... ASK!!!'''
Pokna Mosiri's crime: raping by explosion.
Mosiri is teaching soldiers how to jump with parachute. One of soldiers sais: ''I'm afraid. I never jump with parachute.''
Mosiri takes his parachute and drods this soldier from plane, saying: ''Ok. Jump without parachute!''
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END
JOKES ABOUT ELDERS 2...
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On sinking ship. Passanger asks Iliary: ''I have only one question. Where is nearest ground?''
''Two miles... Down.''
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JOKES ABOUT ELDERS 3...
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-No, without his help we could miss this mine field.
A young couple are kissing. Then he takes screw-driver. She asks what he is going to do.
He: "Guess!"
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