holy F***ing shit!!! Why, why do I want him to love me? why?! Why do I want HIM exactly to want me and pay attention to me...shit shit shit! why is it so hard to get him out of my head?! I do want to be independant of such affections! I want to be self-sufficient and...and loved)
Hmmm....got a strange insight last night: what if men and other people just mirror my own atitude towards myself? I mean...I care about my body and soul for some time and then stop paying atention...then i come to love my carachter again and then i quit again...and they do the same: they are astonished and charmed at first, but do not really keep adoring me constantly and hardly do smth to win my favour.
Ah....I really should try to change this course of things at least by offering myself constant comfort and bits of "love" every single day. Thus, this morning I dressed up to impress and put an effort to kept calm and layed back in stressfull situations, cos I LOVE MY nervous system, I guess)))) That is a good start. Next - beauty salons and home spa, arranging dates with new ppl and exercising! For i love my body, but I forget to show this love really...need to do a special work out for my hips - those are yet another evidence that this world loves me, since my hips are a great and precious gift, a masterpiece, created by higher powers. And I appreciate the gift very much! ) Huh...I want him to love me...but this will pass...or maybe he will love me once I put myself together at once and allow ppl to love me too) I want it to be siple, really. SIMPLE!!!