Words of Wisdom (and things to make you think about)
by George Carlin:



-Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

-Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

-Procrastination is the ART of keeping up with yesterday.

-Could it be all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as
ghosts but as mattresses?

-Death is caused by swallowing saliva over a long period of time.

-Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the
roof and gets stuck.

-To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

-Have you ever noticed anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

-There are nights when the wolves are quiet and only the moon howls.

-Think off-center

-What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

-Atheism is a non-prophet organization

-If men evolved from monkeys and apes why do we still have monkeys and apes?

-I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

-If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

-If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?

-Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all"?

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean
it?

-Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

-How do you get the deer to cross at the yellow road signs?

-What was the best thing before sliced-bread?

-Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll
sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

-Before they invented drawing boards, where did they go back to?

-If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

-If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

-How likely is it that all the people who are decribed as missing are living
in a small town somewhere?

-There ought to be at least one round state.

-In England in 1830, William Hukkison became the first person ever run over
by a railroad train. Wouldn't that make you feel stupid?

-There's an odd feeling you get when someone on the sidewalk moves slightly
to avoid walking into you. It proves you exist. Your mere existence caused
them to alter their path. It's a nice feeling. After you die, no one has to
get out of your way anymore.

_____________________________________________________________________________

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough.
It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death!
What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should
die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get
kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You
work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do
drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade
school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become
a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months
floating...


...and you finish off as an orgasm."


George Carlin's words of wisdom
George Carlin's wife recently passed away, and the comedian of the 70's and 80's - has written something very eloquent. and so very appropriate for these times.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all 'mean it'.

A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... who cares?

George Carlin