I got an e-mail from my friend yesterday saying that a russian band Mumiy Troll was performing at a local club in Saratoga Springs, NY that same night. I thought he was kidding, cause my friend likes to look things up online and then play practical jokes on people. But then I followed the link and found out that they were actually invited by the EQX radiostation and were sponsored by Absolut. So, it was real and...free of charge. Needless to say, I agreed to go see them without hesitation. It was a fun night, I was standing right in front of the low profile stage (if I stretched over, I would've been able to give the guys hugs) dancing, yelling out the lyrics of "Девочка", "Утекай", "Медведица", "Владивосток 2000" and other older hits. It was way too much fun, the band has still got it and Ilya Lagutenko is even crazier with his new haircut. When I woke up this morning, my right ear was still ringing. I haven't had that much fun even during last tour of Coldplay, so...it was unexpectedly amazingly good times! I just realized that they've been touring North America for the past year on and off, now they are playing in LA this Sunday, then Festival in Mexico and back home to Russia. I am so very glad I had this opportunity to see them live here, they are simply fantastic! Already want them to come back...

Oh my! The introductory class was booked up months ago, but because of the weather related cancellations, I got in the last minute. I've been curious about Zumba Fitness for a while now, just couldn't fing any local classes that would fit my work schedule. It was SO MUCH FUN! The instructor herself is Cuban, so all the moves were pretty natural to her, it was exciting just to watch her and you couldn't help but move your body to the beat! I think I have blisters deveoloping on the soles of my feet after today's non-stop one hour hot latino dance class! But I am not complaining. She's giving classes at local YMCA, and I'm not a member there. But I so want to do this at least a couple of times a month...Agh...I'll figure it out somehow. If you haven't tried this workout yet, I highly recommend. Especially if you love to move your hips...seductively. LOL Caliente!!!

I am really happy right now. And I am not taking it for granted. Also, I do not expect anything any longer, because thus I am doing my best at avoiding disappointments; I prefer to be surprised instead - and mostly, they were pleasant surprises. It's easy to please me...and he knows it, yet he goes out of his way to surround me with the best experiences ever. We don't spend much time together, but everytime we do, it's amazing and I enjoy every second of it. I don't know how he ended up in my life, but whatever forces brought him, I am grateful to. I have resisted this whole thing for a while now, and my analytical mind was fighting with the strong intuition continuosly, because I could not bring myself to believe that people like him existed, that they were real. He barged into my life when I was at my weakest, and within weeks I realized(once again) who I truly am and how much I've put my life on hold trying to conform. I've abandoned my own self, and was fighting hard to get it back. I am thankful for every conversation we've had, silly or not - they've impacted me in a very personal way and I am happy again to be living this life while being true to
myself. The curiosity and zest for everything around me are back here again, and I am not giving it up! It would be great if we progressed into something deep and be there for each other for many years to come, but for whatever time we have together I would always be thankful...xo

After losing the New Year's Eve game to me with the score of 3:2, Stu insisted that he wanted to challenge me again last night. Obviously, I had nothing to lose, and I loved playing heads on with him the last time, so...we played. This time around Stu was very patient, following every sensible poker rule. I was getting playfully frustrated that he would not raise the pot, he would just keep folding, which is a basic rule of poiker, when you don't think your hand is good enough. I was just having fun. :) Stu ended up losing again. 4:0. I don't think he ever wants to play me again, saying I've been having a good hand every time. Yeah, sure! ;) He even folded up the table and moved it out of the living room. Men VS Women. :)

Now he's planning a good size tournamnet with 16 people and 2 tables the week before Superbowl. With a $30 buy-in. Hmm, that should be interesting. Since I've started palying 2 months ago, I've only participated in 2 tournaments, consisisting of 9-10 people each, and the buy-in was only $10; so I was willing to pay that amount for a fun game, with no expectations of winning; I did OK, coming 3d and 4th, but I do need to work on my endurance, after about 3-4 hrs of playing I get physically exhausted and just want to get out, therefore I start playing carelessly on purpose and normally end up giving away all of my chipssoon after. :) I'm actually starting to think, that I might join in this tournament, even though I still believe that $30 is a bit pricey for this excruciating form of fun, haha. But I definitely do need to build up my endurance till then. We'll see.

Last year has been a different one; I've met a lot of new, interesting people; new experiences - physical, spiritual and emotional. It was quite a roller coaster, I was thrown off of a fantastic ride when I least expected it and hit the ground really hard, which resulted in some deep wounds, as well as minor scratches; scars are the only reminders though, as of right now. You live, you learn; you fall, you pick yourself up and go. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes not so much.

Anyways, I've been to my first Zen retreat last year. That shook me up, in every possible way. I've come to realize how weak I am, still...more physically and emotionally, rather than spiritually. Zazen is no joke. Have been practicing some Healing Tao meditations, hard to describe the positive changes within myself. I feel I'll get back to that as soon as I'm done fighting some minor \"demons\", that I (un)willingly let interfere with my current practices.

As for the other more widely accepted aand tangible accomplishments - I've gotten my first ice skating experience, ever; after being quiestioned by many americans how a russian- born female does not happen to be an experienced and championship winning figure skater. LOL. It was fun, and was not as bad as I expected it to be, definitely will continue with that invigorating form of athletic training.

Oh yeah, learned(and already forgot) how to operate a mid-size tractor/excavator. Mowing a huge field with a gigantic bush-wacker was plenty of fun. For everyone, including the largely amused baby calves. Haha.

Another exciting new hobby of mine, a very recent one - poker. Oh, how much fun it is!

So, guess what was the last fun thing I've done before the clocks hit midnight? Exactly - played poker! Not just a regular one, but my first ever strip poker, hahaha. And yes, I've had plenty of clothes left on by the end of the game to be broadcasted in PG-13 events. ;) Yay! x3!

It was a first quiet New Year's celebration for me in years...Just me and my honey. :)

The picture was taken right before the poker game, I was not allowed to snap any "after" shots. ;)

It's been unusually cold, for unusually long. The thermometers have been showing 10 to 23 degrees during the day for the past 5 days. Yikes! Running from the car to the door of a warm habitat and back, those were the few minutes I've been spending outdoors lately. Except today. I've run my second official 5K(the first one was in May of this year), in 22 degree weather with wind burning your face instantly. I love running and do it regularly, it's just as soon as I have to wear long sleeves I switch indoors, treadmill and elliptical are my cardio mates during colder months. About a month ago though, I've heard about this Winterfest Last 5K of the Year Run, and thought to myself "Why not? I'd really appreciate some fun challenge right now!"; signed up right before they closed it up - I was the participant #949... out of a 1000. I was not expecting the temperatures go down below 30 though, and was still hoping it will rise above 30 till the night before the race. :)

It was a fun course, amazing fireworks at the start line before the race, and then running through the downtown of Albany and the Washington Park, decorated abundantly with the holiday lights. The run was at 5pm, so it was delightful jogging through the holiday park with all the lights, sparkles, and listening to the jingle bells, adorning the extremeties of fellow racers. Some of them were in a real holiday cheer with their thoughtfully decorated outfits. :)
My upper respiratory system was not so happy during the race, neither was my face and I wasn't pushing myself at all; from the very beginning I've decided that I will not be running for the perfect timimg, rather I wanted to simply try out myself in cold weather conditions and enjoy the holiday festivities. Therefore, I was surprised when I reached the finish line and saw that I was doing 8 miles a minute. Not bad at all for a leisurely winter run. :)

And I've also conquered some other (minor and silly) fears of my own today, and I am proud of my accomplishments. Once again, I proved to myself, that I am fully capable of anything, with no support from anyone whatsoever. I would have really liked some cheer from the people that are dear to me, but I do not need it, as it turns out. I've honestly enjoyed and celebrated my little happy self today. ;)

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Pete took me for a walk on the beach. And all that horsing around....He's such a sweetheart!

This is not what you might expect.

It was around 9 in the morning, W. woke me up to take a look at the cows exploring the new field. I was still half asleep, rubbing my eyes, tryng to walk over to the porch without stumbling over my own feet. Yeah, the cat was running wild half of the night, up and down, up and down, meowing and making all different kinds of noises, teasing the dogs in the living room, getting them all riled up; I probably got up 4-5 times, to try and talk sense into the cat; to no avail of, course. Who am I kidding?
Anyways, after taking a look at the pasture I was ready to get back under the warm covers for a few more hours of z's. Mind that I was still quite sleepy, so when W. heard me crying loudly "Oh my God, oh no...no, no." in the bedroom he came right over to find me sitting on the edge of bed next to...a dead baby mouse. Yep, that's what I've found when I lifted the sheets off. I don't know when the cat brought it into bed, and how long it's been there...Well, at least it wasn't on the pillow next to my face. Thank you, my dear kitty Panther. Your efforts are truly appreciated.

I have three books that I'm trying to devour at the time.

1. The Contemporary Nutrition textbook. Very informative. I read it on the weekends when I'm at Will's.

2. "Love is a Four-Letter Word" Edited by Michael Taeckens. True stories of breakups, bad relationships and broken hearts. Just got this one during my recent Boston trip, read it whenever I have a few minutes to spare. Not very impressive, at least so far.

3. The Best of Roald Dahl. Short stories. I am absolutely in awe with this author - so twisted, so grotesque, and such a wild imagination. This one I read before I go to sleep.

Guess what I'm doing right now?

Baking...chocolate chip coconut crunch banana bread - Two loaves are in the oven. Mmmm, smells super delicious.

I've been much into cooking/baking lately, daily checking the web for new exciting recipes. Something must have happened to me, because I used to hate cooking. Am I geting old or something? LOL

It's been so weird. Within the past week I've been asked by two of my patients to join them for lunch. One of them is a 65 years old female, very warm, friendly, caring, intelligent and talkative woman of an Indian descent. We've really bonded on many different levels while I was providing my services and she extended the invitation to get together some time soon; we'll see. The other one is a 40 years old male, married with two kids; he kept trying to "charm" me, while I was trying to ground him by asking questions about his family and he was answering without even blinking and then kept "flirting" all over again. I was determined to keep communication to the minimum and politely refused his invitation to join him for lunch. Talk about uncomfortable situations. :)
Oh, then I have a couple of my regular female patients(who only desire to receive treatment from me, and we have 4 hygienists in the office) who boldly try to match me up with their sons, continuosly. I honestly adore those ladies, but I cannot help but laugh when they start those conversations and we end up joking around. Good times.
I love what I do and I truly enjoy the company of my patients...and it's mutual, most of the time. :) Life is good!

"The first thing I do in the morning is make my bed and while I am making up my bed I am making up my mind as to what kind of a day I am going to have."

Robert Frost
(1875-1963, American poet)

I've been following this motto for a few days now...in conjunction with daily meditation, and let me tell you - I'm happily overwhelmed with the positive energy that has been flowing through me.

I don't have a problem with being single without any emotional attachment to another person; it's time for yourself, time to rediscover your true aspirations, time to make plans and achieve them without looking back at others, without trying to coordinate your life with someone else's. It's also time to look forward to whatever future brings and it's exciting! I love those periods in my life, they are filled with hope and determination!
Then there is forced singlehood, when you have strong emotional/physical/mental/spiritual attachment to someone else, but you cannot be with that person for reasons beyond your ability to change. And that one is a pure torture. It's been many-many years since I have been in a similar situation, and my feelings were not even close to being as profound then as they are now. I forgot how those unrequited feelings make you go literally crazy and I cannot wait to get out of this undesirable situation. I long to be my free self again more than anything else at this moment. I am reday to override all of those emotions trapped inside me, and be open to something new and progressive...

Living a life constantly looking back. Then living in present, blissful present. Not even thinking what future brings, but hoping for the better. Seems like I am getting tangled up a bit; something old (not wanting to put it away), something new (not willing to accept it fully)...and then it's me - uncovered, vulnerable, strong, wide-open, accepting, doubting...Growing pains, that's what it is. New stage of development - physical, emotional, spiritual(most importantly) and it's crucial to not go astray right now.

I love theater...the whole atmosphere arouses so many different emotions in me, pleasant ones of course. It has become a good tradition of mine to see a play at Trinity Repertory Company and hang out by the ocean every time I visit Providence, RI.
Last week, while in Providence, RI once again I went to see Oscar Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest" at Thrinity Rep. I adore Wilde's ironic sense of humor, and his ability to uncover human not-so-positive traits in such an inwardly sarcastic way.
This particular theatrical company incorporates both company members(accomplished actors) and graduate students (M.F.A.) at Brown University as actors. The students in this play were excellent, they portrayed their characters colorFULLY and the chemistry between all the cast members was physically palpable. I've found one of the grad students, who played a small non-verbal part really well, on Facebook. He was very convincing and funny(also tall and handsome); his intermission dance appearance made the audience burst out laughing. So we've exchanged a few messages, nothing personal of course, but the whole idea of subtle flirting with a hadsome young man who is ineterested in men is totally new to me and a bit exciting. :)

Don't you love to sleep in on weekends? Well, I used to - I was easily able to sleep till 10-11. Things have changed a few months back. I would wake up at the same time as on weekdays, which is either 6:30 or 8am.

Last night I went to bed at 2:30am and woke up at 4:18...darn neighbors. I'm not sure if they were having wild sex or what, but they were quite loud for the wee hours. Needless to say I was unable to fall back sleep, even though I really tried. I thought of knocking on their door with the intention of joining the party...some adventure wouldn't hurt, right? LOL

What I'm actually trying to say is, I got really annoyed that someone else is having sex when I am not! Enjoy it, explore it, have fun with it, just be freaking discreet! Because next time it happens again, I'll be knocking on your doors! ;)

My good guy friend rhetorically asked me the other day through the text message "P.S. How is someone like you single?". I started laughing. It's just the way things are...people come and go, experiences pile up; we choose, we lose, we move on; we are chosen, we are left alone, we still move on...Nothing is black and white. Some things are more transparent than others, but in general rules are made only to be broken at some point - I've learned that much. :) What am I trying to say? Well, who knows... LOL

Good and bad luck are often mistaken for good and bad judgment.

I've had a weird dream last night, or that's what I thought at first. When I woke up and was laying there trying to fall back asleep, I realized, all of a sudden, that this dream has a meaning, that it actually does correlate to my present "conscious" life situation.
Here goes the dream. I've been close friends with this girl in grades 1-5, then I changed schools and that was the end of the friendship. I haven't seen her since. Therefore I have no idea why she was a part of my recent dream. Anyways, the dream was set sometime during the highschool years, and we used to sit at the same desk with this girlfriend of mine. Then one day I come to the class and see her sitting at the desk in front of mine with another girl. When I asked her why she changed the seat, she could not give me a definite answer and had this strange look on her face, as if she knew something I didn't know. So I just sat there all confused, wondering what had happened, and if I did something wrong to deserve that. I was feeling lonely and betrayed. Another girl was sitting next to me already, and I remember thinking that she was not as smart or as cool as my friend was.
But then I moved on eventually, simply accepting the situation as is. I don't know how much time had passed, but I was sitting at my desk again and when I looked over there she was...the friend of mine that abandoned me for no apparent reason she could come up with, sitting next to me and smiling warmly... And I woke up. Hmmm...

5 days and counting. 12 hours of sleep since last Friday. Sore throat is not helping the situation. Neither do little(I hope) troubles at work with the boss. I am really counting on some good and insightful answers to all of my questions tomorrow night. I believe it will be a huge turning point for me.
Very moody I am. It changes so fast, one little thought can spoil everything so quickly. But I'm fighting back. Till I get what is truly mine.