GoAcur and gather the material goods that I need and use. To be the anchor in earth in which I live and decorate my home ... And give away oooh to be blessed with the fruits of the spirit .... my eyeslave of star and sun shines salvation and God's mystical mansion ... Better sail in the sky as I reach the heavens in The boat of Inanna. Destination ... For the beatitudes a verse prose or poem of proverbs..And King David's Psalms. I begin my own version .. Of another book .... that was not written in The Holy Bible ... All of them .. The costly words. Makes a wise millionaire happy and then theres me to trying to maintain the golden means ... And.virtues that I like.and lack ... Justice and scales weighing on me and My sentences ... The priesthoods of the Buddha and the Israelites are the black and white ... Oh to the chord of the twin fish as they are twist and fight polar desires ... Soon the dualism of mental illness and alcoholism's dulls of the progress of a good life .... O and get sobriety Devils demons angels magicians and card hands. who can perform a cheating bet on the old west poker night..table. A missing ace ... The other countries citizens. glass ... I guess sobor ... for a brief moment that last a while ... Then I forgive myself mostly because that's the way god should handle peoples sins .. even if I'm a hypocrite ... otherwise I tried the piddliest problem ... Deep down and pours out like a libation ... I drank and do in remembrance something I did not know ... Alcohol mental illness cigarettes. Smoke and ... It's ok today Jesus by Cindy YoungPg 2.
In the halls and rooms some were included and others intruded .. God are you in there ?! I opened the door to leave the bread ... the light was on ... So ... I went shopping again ... And I went shopping. ... never called upon to speak ... Like a second grader raised My hand to interrupt ... I doubt AA knew I had something too say ... free coffee and cakes but every one watches to see if u donate a dollar or two Maybe more ... Last call for alcohol ... I never felt so out of place somewhere where every one belongs ... but because of mental ilness every one is right and I am wrong ... what are the the turkeys thinking ?! Do not make a difference of the difference. Guess thats why I don '
Leaves trembled and fell .. in the spring from the pouring rain ... It's ok ... God are you in there ?! I brought the booze so I can drink ... and say thanks !!! The My Attitude bad thats .. am I of not going the make of too everything the end or a horrible negative ... Its up my Pleasure to the meet with Them turkeys anyways ... I of am today has been thankful of Pg ... 3.
Under the guise of I of the posed to still like mannequine a
Stood staring out AT up my face drinking the beast of Burden .... and to see what I of Recognize ...
I of t WAS summer and had I of the My child ... Husband home and job ...
I of WAS under the Influence
That ... the world was had hidden meanings ....
Even a small recurring small Rabbit and butterflys


I thought dying my hair

In a rain of The forrest on a foggy night loe just mountain's got off work I of me staring out WAS AT me out of a old body experience ...

And had a reading of tarot
Although by Tim to dish washing of The man led me to Christ

Or god Brought back the when I of WAS later in a dark hospital bed ...
Numbers like 17 ... 75 ... And waitress reciepts I tried to memorize ...
Liscense plates ...
I smoked bowls full of love boat ...

And. Neglect Cierra ... My daghter and My husband and her was a family ...
He loved her ...

Theres so so many more things ...
And Walt Gordon Millard Thompson
Tina .. Waitress and bosses
A world and time to IDK mourn

Sooo the beer and the
Ed I of look by Mirror for hours years in tha t Moment
Because I of DID not the know me ...
Black birds WAS a omen ... Voices in the My head god
of The first word ...
And what I of'm Forgetting
Lights and the Mark WAS Jesus
Sooo
I do not like you like me seeing this
I look in the mirror stare too see if I can remember sanity
I look in the mirror and I off guarde see how crazy I can not describe ...
I look in the mirror drunk to see if I have read and am beautiful enough ... If I do not have any of these memories of all of them I never have forgotten by Cindy YoungPg 4.
I close my eyes to rest ..


In my bedroom is pills for vitamins
Two pots of coffee a day nearly
Not the keep me Does awake .... And the CAN by Drs not the find anything wrong with me

Makes me Feel like a liar about up my mental Illness of too ...
the To do: best I of the CAN do

Your not around enough to me the know. ..
I kinda like being alone
Any more
Because when I'm in a mood Good ... I feel ok
Panick future attacks of the
day by day
I do not Think no further


Journal and keep a routine again
I make it most when can I
Of the time on my own
Pg 5.

Voices
it's never quiet
Even in silence
I oftentimes wish I was deaf
But then I'd still hear them
I guess it's like a guide
Some.times right
Usually above a whisper
Like two people
. head just about my as thick as a inch away from me ...
Sometimes gets me upsrt but its mostly what I do not expect
And then I know
What they met
Mostly a man
.... Thought sometimes
Its thought you have the
Sometimes when you sleep I hear them when you breath
If I'm near anyone
Sometimes I hear them too beforehand I go too dream
You say I'm depressed
But I'd like. To the know That You
Its real ..
Dang Could the BE the Image phone
Could the BE a spy
Could not the BE the movie a beautiful yet Mind ...
That's how IT feels
Or the when I of the this'm like a wasted life:
Noone the tried
Just got too be. better and hope I'm like Vincent van Gogh
.... just to be ok
Sometimes I think ...
I know

Whose a yellow shirt
You wore.
Two trick s you played
Or a vision foretold ...
Why.
It happens all the time ...
Just can not discern
God. I love you ...
I did all I can
Amen Cindy Bottenfield
Not a freakshow ...
Even when there's muffled
Or not there
For some reason
If I'm having a conversation
I still
I act differant
Accustomed to
Sometimes I
I love my mental illness
Sometimes I say alot shut up
But now I like to hear them ...
Hours alone .. But I'm not ...
When I Think I'm living right
The voices I hear are kind
And then I know
I'm doing
Alright..d.Sometimes makes
me f of fsay
My voices discuss me
To fyou dont care about that at all ... I wonder who they are by Cindy YoungPg 6.
Depression
Sad ... Everything
It's a little easier and familiar
Now to cope with alcohol and mental illness
I am aware I have to try to be realistic
And honest as I can
Even if I like to escape
Going crazy
Isnt a nice place
And if I've been told anyone
My opinions
I feel kinda dumb to hear them
Comment on The same ones
IT's ok The But ... I of by never really the listen to the anyone That
Talks the Same | Problems view
I of Wonder and why do not the know what to say The topic hi
.... to Depression
the If I of the gets'm overmedicated IT Worse
But I of Up Need to take the pills
That will work
Frozen escape too much sleep I sink farther away
Fight to make it go away
Hurt's my chest and causes my whole body to ache
Its a black place
Feelings voices anxiety depression it's ok
Sleep and bad dreams
Makes my day
A hard way to begin
Being negative
Got to change my thoughts captivate
Them to make it go away
Sometimes
Its really ok
Others are not me
Awards in my And heaven
If I make it ...
I never asked you to carry them ....
Nor did you say what can I do to make it go away
People do not Think the way I do
I say have a good day you could say you too ...
Its ok thank you Jesus ...
Amen by Cindy YoungPg 7.
Anxiety ...
Self-medicate ...
Symptoms .. alcohol ...
But I dont want that either
The rage of feelings that comes with the drinking ..
Then ... what other people Think ...
That's all just say sorry and thanks after whats left ...
Idk ... Could not help ... alone with god ... My friend
Deep inside it does not know where to go ..
So it grows
Feels like a panick attack that does not let go
You think it's some other reason
Why its your fault ...
You worked thrue everything so you Think ...
If you knew how to let it go ...
Anxiety happens for no reason
May be I'm not so sure
It's the only way I'm not sure of it
Quiet ...
Turn on the radio .. Turn it
on off ... IT tv..Turn
the Turn on air conditioner to fan a ...
Cant ... excersize the sleep and eat to feed the disease ...
for Too much addiction like alcohol cigerrtes caffeine .. I of of think Makes IT Worse ...
But you cant do anything when you are by yourself ...
The replace the things the To you ... enjoy
the If you Could .. Anxiety is an awful ... Amen .. for me thats up my opinion You. You can not walk away .. by Cindy YoungPg 8.
Fear
I get scared
Of the unknown ...
Surrender my self
I'll
If I stand and dont run
am for real I of
I of matching guess I of the know FEAR
Over the years I of the try not to elaborate to much by digging up closeup the past the
Hide Event Mostly ... with In the safety of up my house ...
I of Noticed I of t hasnt been thundered or lightning That much I of the know of
I of WAS
Afraid of storms
the Help each OTHER: best is the Thing to do ...
I of the Think of PTSD is FEAR ...
Scars That do not heal
Trauma
Mostly afraid of God
I
dont know ...
Today I'm not
Passing on the streets the same routine ... Mostly when you reach a spot
The cops drive by
Do not know why
Maybe in me want they jail
maybe ...
They keep in line
But if I was in jail I believe to use
My fears of not being saved
Something
Paranoia too then I'd pay and maybe earn My way to heaven
Do not really give a damn about jail ... Unless I go there
It would calm me down
I broke ...
Just sins
Everybody has some
Reassurance ... That's all I want. To meet Jesus
Just for a second
If he lets me stay,
I
'll be ok. Probly be close to hysteria from the hurt. I feel like I'm the one who should forgive God and him
. Its ok the I of .. m ... not the blame
of Oh ok the I of the if ITS'm scared to still
Afraid Afraid to alone to the BE will of god have come the get everyone
Ill the BE found here
Or in hell
Sometimes drink ...
Noone Cared That much to the carry. bear that burden ... I'm sad.
Chokes me up closeup It .. everything and even the REST of IT .. Dad .. I of friend E a guy like tumours cancer annorism ...
I of am tired ... CAN I of the write ... the Normal ... you Thank The Amen .. By Cindy YoungPg 9.
June 4 Sunday
Today as the sun shined bright I thanked my lucky stars last night I didnt drink
All thru the night I have been cleaned up in the air, I bow down and put my trust in Jesus .. and a routine ... Calendars ... text to family and friends .. every thing to get accomplished in the end ... Amen but I try to remember be kind to everyone ... I begin a Journey to stay oraganized and disciplined something I have had the tools to put in use and I hate the next day after I drink or outer forces blows and changes every thing. I try hard to keep the same ... By Cindy YoungPg 10.

Because I love you it will be alright learning and believing I am saved sometimes that part of me lost faith when I am comforted and fear of everything in the world to get by without dieing from being old ... And I love you God and Jesus some days are good it's ok to be forgiven. I'm not sure .. if its correct my words and opinions are always changing .. you have mys I have mine ... On the way to believing .. I love you Mom And Dad ... I am ok look back look forward and today in My small world of living mostly alone. I still think that ... Sisters daughters sons .. I do not know how come Amen by Cindy YoungPg 11.
June 8th 2017
... It's been a long time I'm able to realize to take deep breaths ... One step at a time ...
Let's go and usually God's in control .. I never blamed Satan ... Or sometimes I just say why no one says what they'think or know sometimes they are most of the precious stones .. reading wiki or start by Google life experience ... The key to knowledge .. ... I try to learn ... Something for protection ...
I tried .. Not to much ... Because I got scared ... Of voices thats not there and real ... I do not know it. I would not be sure My five senses ... It's ok ... I sometimes want too close My eyes ... My worries of mental illness and alcoholisms .. Maybe it's ok ... Amen .. I tried ... Its really the best of the time positive ... How is things why I think I'm not saved it's got so hard to worry I want to believe I can make it to heaven ... I'm not a atheist .. I thank My Mom for that .. She did what I could .. Amen I 'm trying I just sometimes want it ... And I need some times torment .. I do not know what I did ... but I do not like reality I do not like that I do not like that I do not like it I do not like it about love to Jesus and sins ... Of every one ... white as snow .. I love you Jesus idk by Cindy YoungPg 12.t like my sickness when I feel like I'm not sure what I'm thinking about. by Cindy YoungPg 12.t like my sickness when I feel like I'm not sure what I'm thinking about. by Cindy YoungPg 12.
June 16, 2017

for What surrounds me to Choosing the BE sobor and healthy is up my choice ... every direction is up my destination love Mostly up my fellow mates
Know now! Just do what I of IT Takes
the Drawing strength from "the no worries" the releases This tension from the conversation .. .
Even in rain and thunder is a blessing for the flowers and grass to grow. .
Alone is good ...
I'm
saying ok .. By saying hi ..and chow ...
And thinking how beautiful we are all ..
Living in the clouds I'm allowed to ... I'm
sorry for everyone ..
Just dont get close
Im ok .. I dont know in the end
I will remember it as life
. 13
June 17 our catalog on Saturday
Usually ITS good for me to a leave the if I of am not welcome
Not Belonging by listening to tone of voice eye contact and conversations
the To the know I of am ok The with the world around me the know one's Knows up my thoughts and up my heart
the Just what the gets PASSED around by gossip ... If anyone cared enough to talk about that but I doubt it
Myswell say I am dead
But bridges and chatter
That is what I am accountable for ... I do not know how to relieve myself. Amen ... because I know now I was not much of a wanted or wanted to be around ...
By Cindy YoungPg 14.
Sunday June 18
If I am dillagent I wont miss important events ..
Watching for the Lord's return or the change in the weather.
I can not control the snow ...
I can make a difference when I got plans
I put my trust in Jesus ..
And I'll watch the traffic lights dont put myself in harmless ways

I want to change ... I
'm sorry for for ... I 'm sorry for for ... I made things the Good and bad ...
I love you Jesus why ...
I live if I'm caught unaware drinking from or going out of my mind ...
I look responsible for Me. If I ... Actions wake up from a night drinking
Im not sure if its jails hospitals homeless shelters or The Streets its bad enough I .... f I died or some one else ...
I can try to control voice my thoughts out bursts ... Dear God. I love you Jesus ...
Amen ....
Thats what I hope for strive for gentleness and caution ...
Peace..meek ... amen by cindy youngPg 15.
June 22, 2017
the To Me love Means differant things you CAN far the the BE away and to still give love a chance
the Who CAN I of love
Unconditionally ...
of Future and the past the
the My family loves me ..
Or for They are of too busy
Jobs ....
School. ...
the to tired to have come over Anymore
I of cant be speak for long as with the as with the Them for They are alright
How for They Feel
Whose left
with In up my life:
I of miss
the Family Tree
Its Easier just to the ignore and hope one's day to the before ITS late for They have come back to me
for the Grateful am I of God
for the miracle of everything FITS like a puzzle piece
How IT Belongs
for So MANY things I of the Grateful am for
Life Means That is what the living
And chances
To be born again ...
Sobor ... medicine.
Kind of nice and im friendly will most of the time I of like to stay busy
im not lucky to enjoy things with people of too im address close e-
Love in up my heart
of The FEW moments of memories of a fleeting
I of HOLD will most ...
Amen
Dear God pray I of the when I of CAN
For you and me
And I hope the road we'll meet again ...
If I can stay alive healthy sobor and wait ..
For a reunion ... my son & daughters ... family
Amen..I mostly feel lost
And I get up and keep bravely going on..Amen
By cindy young

Pg 16.
June 28th 2017
The medicine they give to me helps.
If I remember to take it daily and dont mix other drugs and alcohol
The counselors and doctors knows sometimes what they are doing
Its better not to complain about anything
Today If I take medicine for depression anxiety voices and pray daily the rosary
I sometimes feel its something differant
Autism adhd behavior problems PTSD ...
To continue on the journey of life ... dealing with reality
Alcohol is legal but it's in bondage
My sins from indulgance
...
Similiar to how many you are allowed
Keep trying ... sometimes in the mist of it all I need help
The case managers and everyone I reach out to is over worked
Believe I of ... sooo <br> we Would all the BE ok The with a personnal assistant Have
Or to some one's talk of too
Like a virtual text line
With a of operator
for Too help you Decide feature Times good and bad ...
Why ???
Take up my medicine I of the try I of the I of CAN: best ...
I of Jesus love you SO much
I of you love God Amen
By Cindy Young
of Pg 17.
July 9Th
2017
I of like to Hear the sounds of birds early in the by morning

worshipping
Praising god every sound am allowed I of
Thank the Jesus you
the Listening to animal sounds and silence I of'm by blessed
Thank the You
Words Words Words bad and some good I of Hear Could have come from heaven
for When all the voices are
The realm of ... sometimes Do for Another I of of think there found here with me
the To talk about whats the apart a of me ...
It doesnt matter
of The birds CAN talk freely
the Today is the Sunday
of The grounds of the Sanctuary and 12 Desciples
I of Wonder the if everyone Hears IT to
for They are days I am entertained
By the years
I do not try to feel fear
When
I did not see
it scarey One day when I looked I
'd be on the course ... Scarey from the voices scarey : others opinions United said..what the BE are hard to describel.but for They really couldnt the BE: second picture talking every
Of time
the Try to the accept something im pleased to with
the Listening to dual sounds
Voices
Of The tvs on
I of am ok The
Its not nothing That is the ever good enough
Its humiliating
of The Right Bird
Then statement listening to conversations I of am not comfortable ITS of too hard today has been to still
Amen
By Cindy Young
Like for instance
Gods only begotten son is
And just tired of the symptoms of I of have ..
Try to change my problems
Why most people
To o sometimes I know God's love ... I love God
Sometimes I'm determined to want to destroy Satan soo people fight in wars islam beheading christians angels demons and people fighting to ... .what someone thinks and feels I believe
I think God like David killing goliath ... He needs all the christians' fighting principalities of powers. I dont know more ... by cindy young amen ... but i believe

Pg 18.
July 6th 2017
The way for me to be happy my opinion
Values. Beliefs Morals
for When I of sobor'm thinking and clear
Not a day ambush of
the People an upset ....
How I of Feel
Its not a game
the To 'continue' to the live in a PLACE I of am ashamed of for
Fucking over the neighbors command and
the My own household ... how to speak learning I of CAN Worry only about myself confronting the
It! go ... letting Feeling peace will most isnt a people as with the honest What is
Id lie to
for When someone lies about me to up my face
Even with skitzophrenia I of am not That way
The know whats the going I of on day by day
And people ...
Playing ... revenge
destroys lives
Some dont the ever the make ammends
Because for They wasnt really your friends
the If for They WAS worth the IT
the Just drink the when the ever
of The day Begins
English
Spainish
I of Usually have the no problem communicating