November 2006
"The Marrying Man"
Darren Hayes, Leading Man
by Tyler Steele
Darren Hayes was chosen as one of Instinct’s Leading Men Of 2006. Here are some “extras” from the interview. To read the rest of our feature on Darren, pick up the November issue of Instinct, on stands now!
INSTINCT: There had been speculation for a while about your sexual orientation. Was that hard to cope with?
DARREN HAYES: The one thing about I was always proud of was that I never lied about who I was. I always tried to have some dignity about it. For one, it took me years to work out who I was. I was married when I first hit fame, or whatever you want to call it. For me, the day that I realized...that something really significant and life changing had happened to me, I felt that I wanted the people that buy my records to know that, but I didn’t want fanfare about it, or talk about it to promote something. In general, I am such a private person. You’ll never see a picture of me with my family anywhere.
I never felt defined by my sexuality. I’m not ashamed of who I am, but at the same time – the fortunate and unfortunate thing about being gay is that you are expected to declare it to the world, and there are all these phases of it.
I think I’ve been really lucky. It was never a question with me that it wouldn’t eventually become public knowledge that I was a gay man. I just wanted to make sure that my sexuality was one facet of who I am as a person, but first I am a human being and an artist and I paint with all of the colors I see. I’m proud of who I am, and very proud to live in this era and in [the United Kingdom] where having your relationship validated is a possibility. That’s a pretty amazing thing.
Getting married coincided with growing up in my life as a man. I’m 35 next year, and am finally having a normal and long-lasting, compatible and great relationship. All of my friends breathed a sigh of relief. Wow! You’re with someone normal and it actually works.
Did your recent split from Columbia Records have anything to do with your marriage?
Not at all. My music tastes have changed, and the music industry has changed. Me leaving Sony and Sony leaving me was a mutual decision and was coming for a long time. Everyone at Sony knew that I was gay, and I never had a problem with that at all. No one ever said, “You can never come out.” I know it would make a tasty story, but it’s not true at all. The president of the company was a huge fan and completely aware of my sexuality.
After an absence from the U.S. stage you wowed ‘em at the Sundance Film Festival at the beginning the year. When are you coming back for more shows?
Coming to Sundance [earlier this year] reminded me of how long I’ve been away from America, and that’s not a good memory. I love America and definitely miss playing there. I thought, I have to do something about my American career – I mean I’ve had #1’s there! [laughs]. I had a couple of years where I was a little confused as to where I fit into the music scene. I’m not cynical or bitter about where I am commercially, but I’m sometimes puzzled. I definitely feel like I’ve had a pretty amazing run up-front, and you can work your whole career and never achieve those things. I’m excited about this period in my life because it’s a second chance, a second life as an artist and a musician. The fact that I still get to play around in studios and get paid to do it is great.
Tell us more about the new album you’re recording.
I just got back from Phoenix, AZ, where I was recording. I ended up leaving Columbia Records, which was exciting and terrifying at the same time. I kind of decided to just make a new record. I had an epiphany during a show at the Sydney Opera house, because I’m starting to attract an audience who don’t necessarily look only toward radio charts for what they listen to and who go out and see. I scratched the surface of who I am on stage and the kinds of records that I make.
What recording artists inspire you?
Some of my favorite artists are people like Annie Lennox, and I can’t remember the last time she had a #1 hit. I’m astounded by her talent. And because of the reputation that she has, she can fill venues around the world. I’m inspired by Imogene Heap and Kate Bush. They both worked out early on that your artistic voice is the most crucial thing to maintain. I want to work with a big label because I am a pop artist, and I want to reach the masses. I love playing larger venues. I’ve been spoiled that way early on, and learned the more records you sell, the more money you can spend on your art, the more of a fantastic show you can put on, and I am interested in that.
Are you with another label yet?
I’m talking to a few people at the moment. The thing is, I just got out of a very long record deal. I’m trying to work out the best way to do it these days. There is interest in signing me, but I want to wait a little to see where this record is going, and I want to finish it the way that I want to do it, and the relationship with a new label would have to be based on what I am doing now, and the way to do that is to maintain control of it.
Other artists have recorded some of your songs. Do you get approached a lot for that?
So far it has been inadvertent. I find writing for someone else so hard to do. I love writing, but the process is so personal that I find it hard to let go. I tend to fall in love with it and then I can’t give my baby up for adoption. The few times I’ve had covers have happen been where songs that I’ve recorded as B-sides or had been leftover. One was a song Clay Aiken recorded for his last record. Thank god, because that song recouped my publishing advance. One of my friends, Rick Nowels, is a songwriter who is a bit of a hit-meister, having done Dido’s hits and many others. He and I wrote together on my first solo record. I found him from looking at the credits on a Stevie Nicks record when I was a kid and thinking, I want to work with the guy that wrote “I Can’t Wait” for Stevie Nicks! And I did, and it’s great. Every time he calls me up to write for another artist, the songs become something too much like one of my tunes, or I don’t want to give them up.
I stupidly said no once to *NSync recording one of my songs. Who does that?! But I liked the song so I just recorded it for my album. Well, Spin went on to sell about a million copies, and their’s went on to sell at least 10 million. If you do the math, it’s crazy. But I never make business decisions. I just make decisions from the heart.
I wish that I could do it, but whenever I try to for someone else I just feel really cheesy. When I write it for me, it’s believable because it is about me, where I am at, and what I’m going through, and it has my voice in it. It’s sincere. I guess when I’m doing it for someone else I tend to dumb myself down, and I feel like a sell-out.
You recently performed to a huge crowd at Stockholm Pride just a few weeks after coming out. How was that experience for you?
That was a wonderful, wonderful performance. I was a bit nervous, because prior to coming out I’d played a few gay events – Manchester Pride and G-A-Y in London – and there was this kind of fear that I had from the audience, where they were looking at me thinking, Is he or isn’t he? And I felt like I was a bit of a charlatan, like you had to be out if you play those venues. So When I played Stockholm it was the first time I’d performed as an openly gay men. I think I was probably less gay than I’ve ever been! I don’t know what happened, but I obviously felt really comfortable and I felt like I was really in my own skin. It was a really supercharged performance, and they were a great audience.
Was it harder to come out privately to your family, or to the world?
I definitely would never talk about the experience with my family. That’s private. I can say I was really lucky that my family and everyone in my life were so beautiful to me about it. It was really a supportive environment. The thing is, I’m extremely faithful and monogamous. I’m really into the relationship I’m in. I will say about being gay, it was a bit of an inconvenience. The only advice I can give is I spoke about it very honestly to my family and everyone that knew me knew about it and dealt with it. I had therapy, and a lot of amazing friends that helped me. It wasn’t an easy road. For the longest time, I didn’t identify with the community that I was supposed to be a part of. It took me a while to see that there are facets, like any cliché, that are always presented as the most obvious. But there are all sorts of aspects to being gay. I have so many friends that are gay that you wouldn’t even realize. Perhaps we need to do that in society – put people in a box and describe what they look, sound, talk like. It was great meeting so many different types of people and realizing you could be gay and want to get married and have a kid, or be gay and not like dance music, and have never taken ecstasy. Wow! Okay, cool. It’s all great. In the same way for some kid in middle America that loves to dress up in drag, going to San Francisco and finding a place where you can do that must be mind-blowing. There’s a moment where that kid is normal.
You love performance. Any chance of starring on the stage?
I would only do that if it were something I was passionate about and it was an original piece. I have the kind of voice that would be great in Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, but I don’t know if I could bear watching it, let along being in it. I would love to be in Baz Luhrman’s Moulin Rouge, if he ever does a Broadway version of it. I’d do that in a heartbeat. I got pretty close to a role in the film version of Rent. I auditioned in New York and I was terrified. I’ve never acted before. One of my first experiences in America was seeing that show in New York. When I met Kirsten Dunst for the first time on the set of the video “I Knew I Loved You,” we talked about musicals, and I told her I wanted to buy the film rights. She wanted to, as well, and do it with the music of today. Of course, someone owned the rights already.
What are some of your favorite movies?
I loved Little Miss Sunshine. That’s the DNA of the kind of film I love. The Royal Tennenbaums is one of my favorites, as is Rushmore. I love P.T. Anderson. My favorite movies of all time are The Empire Strikes Back and E.T.
You mentioned before wanting to work with Daft Punk. Who has requested to work with you?
I get asked to work with a lot of pop acts, and get these lame requests to do reality shows where its like four ex-members of a band and it’s like “Oh, please!”
Tell us about the concert DVD coming out.
It’s called Big Night In with Darren Hayes. I sat down with Willie Williams, who is a lighting designer and show director. He’s done every show for U2, and did the Queen musical We Will Rock You, and does a lot of theater stuff. He took me out for coffee and said, “You’re too good not to being playing arenas. As your friend, you need to tour. You’re a good singer, and you’re funny. I’ve got this great idea for you; so let’s consider doing something. Big Night In was an excuse to play some hits and have some spontaneity and take the piss out with the audience.” It was a device to open me up. We used a format that mixed game shows and behind the scenes and even karaoke. We sold every night out in the UK. We sold out the Sydney Opera House show. Village Roadshow is putting the DVD out at Christmas.
