Sometimes I realize that the answers to the questions I have I cannot find in me. Even if I lok deeper.
Then I try to look closer to find my answers in other people.
But it's so damn hard to even imagine what all those people think FOR REAL that I just stop dealing with it.
Where else but God I can find them?

I told Trevor that I might go to Virginia Beach with M and his family.
He said: "They (his parents) are letting you go? What the f**k?! They don't let me go anywhere!"
Me (confused): oh, saaad...(!?)

life is life.
and some things just don't make sense

have you ever written a LOVELETTER???



here is my favorite loveletter written by Beethoven.



Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Do not cry, because we are destiny, because we are everything that can be above this world. And now, the angel of my life, please let me fly so that I can fulfil the vanity of this world, of this dream, of this nightmare that eternally took you from me.
I didn't thought you will come now at this age and time of this Illusion of Life, but I tell you how much I love you and do not ever doubt me.
I will be yours in every moment of this life, which I give to you. .


(c) Sorin Cerin
philosopher

when i close my eyes i see the whole world spinning around me.

it is one thing the i don't like.
misunderstanding.
I don't care about other people, but I so care about my friends.
Why somebody would be upset that I don't tell stuff?

*you didn't even tell me when you cut your BEAUTIFUL hair so short. I like it that way though*

It's all gonna be alright. It'll get there, I'll try.
I promise I'll try..

Nobody knows about how big is this day for Russia.
I told about the history of the day like a 1000000 times.
Happy Victory DAY!

I wish peace would be everywhere.

We had a talk. We just had a talk. We decided that we're better off now.
We're not breaking up, we've been trying to be beyond dating for a while now.
We're talking it slow.
How many tears it will take to take it easier (not easy, just a little easier)?
We still will see each other any everything. We are still in love.
Kind of pointless, and sad.
I'm gonna remember this day as a grey-ish rainy day and your "say anything"
It's too much for us, it would hurt a lot.
I'm afraid of going back home, coz I've changed so much, how my family and friends are gonna handle me? What if my sister won't like "new me"? And my friends?
Well, it is the only way to figure it out. And I'll do it anyways. About 50 days, a little more and i'm gonna face it.

~ wearing your sweater and huggin the bear you gave me~
I realise how hard were these couple days. Without you.

I miised you hand in my warm hair sitting in the yard yesterday, warm ocean breeze and sunshing, I was thinking about you...
I missed you this morning breathing in this sweet air in in the rain and warm raindrops on my face.

Not like I close myself from everybody, no! But you think so! I wonder why..
Mornings got better. I don't see you in the mornings anymore... but I stop to talk to aall my friends - that's what I do!... and this half hour before the classes just flies by. Not too bad. But I wish everything would be easier..

I'm not happy.

I'm not sad.

I'm kinda confused.

I still care.

I still care about you.

I care about us.

I'm running away from you.

You are running away from me.

You don't want to hurt me..

I don't want to hurt you eather.

I just have no idea what to do.

I don't know how to handle silence that fills our every-morning-conversations and evening late-on-the-phone ones.
You said go hang out with your friends, don't wait for me.
I do what you say, but I can't stop thinking about you anyways, no matter what.

Tons of pictures and video in my camera, night lonlines, tired eyes in the morning, cold breakfast, morning rush, messed up hair, fucked up morning, without you.
It's not your foult. It's mine, I souldn't be so addicted

hm.