Fry
"I'll be whatever I wanna do."
"People said I was dumb, but I proved them."
"Full price for gum?! That dog won't hunt, Monsignor."
"No, I'm ...doesn't!"
"Ugh, it's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up."
"Its just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"
"Crazy theories one, regular theories a billion."
"But existing is basically all I do!"
"Whoa! Letters like 'u' and 'r' can mean words like 'you' and 'are'!"
"That's not why people watch TV. Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared."
"Magic. Got it."
"It's like that drug trip in that movie I saw when I was on that drug trip."
"This show's been going downhill since season three."
"Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything."
"Words. Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears."
"Valentine's Day's coming? Aw crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!"
"I did do the nasty in the past-y."
"I can't wait until I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff."
"My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?"
"This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion!"
"Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that!"
Bender
"This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!"
"Oh. Your. God."
"My life, and by extension everyone else's is meaningless."
"Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder."
"Call me old fashioned but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating."
"Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin?"
"I'm Bender, baby, please insert liquor!"
"They're not very heavy, but you don't hear me not complaning."
"You may need to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. By 'devil' I mean robot devil and by 'metaphorically' I mean get your coat."
"Congratulations Fry, you've snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics..."
"You're watching Futurama, the show that doesn't condone the cool crime of robbery."
"Bite my glorious golden ass!"
"Everybody's a jerk. You, me, this jerk."
"I hate the people that love me and they hate me."
"Do I preach to you while you're lying stoned in the gutter? No."
"I could pound your head 'til you thinks that's what happened."
"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny."
"Tempers are wearing thin. Let's hope some robot doesn't kill everybody."
"Would you kindly shut your noise-hole?"
Leela
"You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever."
"Look Fry, you're a man and I'm a woman. We're just too different."
"At the risk of sounding negative, no."
"Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not. But I do know that the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people who just wanna kill for fun."
"Hey you guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse. New boots! They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Woo! Never know what I'm gonna do next!"
"Alright, This is the third hose fight I've broken up today, and the second using actual hoses."
"Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking."
"Hey, hey! We can all fight when we're drunk."
"Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?"
"I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse, and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane!"
"This is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life."
"Please don't stop playing, Fry. I wanna hear how it ends."
Professor
"Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement, so anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye!"
"Dirt doesn't need luck!"
"Choke on that, causality!"
"Sweet Zombie Jesus!"
"Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you've gone too far!"
"Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood..."
"Tell them I hate them!"
"Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring."
"Yes, that sequence of words I just said made perfect sense."
"Oh, my, yes."
Zoidberg
"Stop! Stop! If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad!"
"My next clue came at 4:15, when the clock stopped. And another came 2 hours later at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse!"
"...And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same dumpster, but this one had a live racoon inside."
"Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!"
"Tell it to claw."
"Instead of 'claus' he writes 'claws'. Now that's humourous! Today's comedians could learn from this card."
"Finally I have a good claw. See, three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery."
"I lost it. ...In a volcano."
"I don't trust that doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated."
Amy
"Ew, pukeatronic!"
"Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots."
"Wow, sporty go-kart, Leela! It's so hip and sexy, not like you at all."
"Hey, let's go car shopping! My parents said if I got all B's they'd buy me a bar. And I got all C's!"
Hermes
"That's not a cigar. Uh... and it's not mine."
"I'm calling the police! ...Right after I flush some tings."
"I'm gonna go home and relax, the traditional, Jamaican way - a glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep."
"What's that you're hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!"
Zapp
"I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about."
"The best way into a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them, and you're in."
"I am the man with no name - Zapp Brannigan, at your service."
(from his chat-up line book) "If I said you had a nice body would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"
"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."
"Kif, I'm headed to the men's room and I'll be needing an attendant, so- oh, I'm sorry, you're crying, like a woman."
"Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on the ball."
"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy, and bruised."
"What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?"
"Why'd you open your bong hole you smelly hippy? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey?"
"You win again, gravity!
Morbo
"Windmills do not work that way! Godnight!"
"Stop it, stop it, it's fine. I will destroy you."
"Kittens give Morbo gas."
"Pathetic humans! Prepare to write down the recipe!"
