От автора: Мое первое осязаемое произведение на тему Гриши Конова - перевод первого рассказа на английский. Пожалуй, стоит предупредить о двух вещах. Во-первых, перевод вольный, поэтому не стоит упрекать меня в том что это не точная копия оригинала. Тем не менее, общий сюжет не изменился, разница лишь в деталях. Во-вторых, базировался я на первой, а не на второй версии рассказа, поэтому, если кто не знает, стоит заметить, что molest = rosse. Кстати, кто-нибудь обратил внимание на то что Хуан получил по экзамену ровно 88 процентов? =)
Килгор_Траут




Foreword

This narration is based on a true story that happened to the author himself. However, it is greatly exaggerated in some places. Nobody saved my life and nobody broke my glasses. I had to manage all by myself to escape the fight.

This short story was first written under the auspices of the mysterious IMPACT group and was part of a greater project called “The Zurban Tales”. The project consisted of students writing adventure tales that would later all be part of a contest. The winners’ stories were staged theatrically. Unfortunately, the one you’re about to read was weak in its first version and won no prize. The actual version is a modification that renders the story more comprehensible and intriguing.
Enjoy!



The Best Day in Grisha Konow’s Life

He was the punching bag of the whole N. N. school. Nobody cared for him from the very beginning. Some simply laughed at him, some beat him up, while some even molested him mercilessly, ripping his clothes and breaking his glasses in the process.

Grisha Konow was terribly fat. He was an immigrant from a distant country that he considered completely normal. His classmates, however, had other opinions. They very often laughed at the traditions of this country, which to them appeared quite ridiculous. Even though Grisha had good marks and beat his little brother Gosha in virtually every course, his problems with the school gangs overwhelmed him and made him cry, which was always very entertaining for Gosha.

One day at the recess, he was strolling down the corridor with his only friend Juan-María ElPene Hao Velasquez-Liu. This long and grotesque name was caused by the boy’s mixed ethnicity: his mother was Chinese, and his father Chilean. Grisha and other classmates called this oddball simply Juan or sometimes Hao. Juan was a strong and athletic youngster, but his intellectual capabilities were far from being perfect. He wanted to improve his brainwork by means of study and this desire was also shared by Grisha. They became friends when Juan changed school at the beginning of the year and the two boys were always helping each other with the studies. Even now, it was the topic of their conversation:

- So, how did you do on the bio exam, Grisha?
- 85%!
- Ha-ha-ha, I beat you! I got 88%!
- Fuck you, you damned fascist! You cheated again, didn’t you? And stop laughing! Don’t you remember who helped you with geography yesterday? How I helped you with the regional groups? If not for me, you would’ve failed the goddamn course, you bastard!
- Whoah, calm down, man, I’m sorry!

And so, joking amiably with each other, the two friends entered the canteen. They already forgot about the bio exam and Grisha was reporting an accident that happened to him yesterday in the plastic arts class. At the same moment, two members of a very dangerous gang who hated Grisha and often molested him were leaving the canteen. One of them was Turgen, a blond Albanian and the leader of the gang. The other was the Kurd Sinam, a very fidel companion of Turgen. Grisha didn’t notice them and continued his story. He got very excited and was making quick gestures with his hands when suddenly he slapped Turgen right in the face by accident. When Grisha noticed whom he has hitten, cold sweat appeared on his cheeks and his knees started to shake. Turgen’s face was red as tomato and he bore a vicious grin. At this time, the bell rang, and Turgen hissed:

- Little son of a bitch! The next time I see you, you’re a dead man.

Having said that, he and Sinam left for their class. So did Grisha and Juan. While on the way, Juan asked:

- Who were those two?
- Forget it. Don’t you bother about them. They are just assholes and they won’t do anything to me.
- You sure? Maybe I should go to the park with you and forget the damned ITT lesson.
- Of course I’m sure! In any case, I’ll keep close to my good friend Claude Fortin and these bastards won’t even dare approach me!
- All right, man, as you want.

Grisha knew that Juan would let everything go just to help his friend, but he didn’t want him to miss an important lesson of ITT. Both Grisha and Juan hated this course and always had problems with it. That day, Juan had to see the teacher so that he could finish an important project. Konow also knew that the delinquents would wait for him in the park, which was his favorite place for hiking. However, he hoped that Claude Fortin would scare off the molesters. He was wrong. Fortin wasn’t in the park that day. He stayed in the school to attend an interesting activity that Grisha forgot about, and so was everybody else. Konow was alone in the park when he saw two figures on bicycles approaching.

Those, of course, were Turgen and Sinam, and Grisha started to panic. He tried to escape, but the delinquents were already too close. Turgen kicked him in the loins and Grisha fell down in terrible pain. When he tried to get up, Sinam punched him in the face. Grisha’s glasses cracked. “This is the end of my glasses, - he thought, - Finita la comedia!”. And so, Grisha Konow closed his eyes and prepared to be molested, like he was many times before. His hands automatically started to unbutton his pants, because he knew that if he wouldn’t take them off himself, Turgen would surely rip them down.

Suddenly, Grisha heard Turgen produce a painful cry and opened his eyes. Somebody knocked Turgen from his feet and he was lying on the ground. Sinam turned to the unknown person, but a powerful punch in the face made him follow his friend’s example. The unknown approached, and Konow recognized him vaguely, because he couldn’t see well without his glasses. It was Juan. He helped Grisha get up and asked him:

- Are you all right, man?
- Yes! Thank you very much, my dear friend Hao, you saved my life! But how the hell did you get here? Did you miss you lesson?
- All this time, I was anxious about you. I was scared. That’s why I let the lesson go and ran here to see if you…

Suddenly, his speech was cut short by a direct hit in the behind. Turgen and Sinam got up and wanted vengeance. Juan blocked another blow and made Turgen trip with his foot. Juan started to advance, but Sinam charged on him and the two fell down. Then, Grisha saw a terrible thing: Sinam was strangling Juan, while Turgen was holding his legs and at the same time unzipping his pants with a malicious laugh. Grisha was shook up with anger. He didn’t want these things to happen to his friend, even less than to himself. Grisha got up with a start and charged on Turgen and Sinam with a furious shout. He punched Turgen in the stomach and screamed to the curious students who gathered to watch the fight: “Call the security!” Then, he defended Juan and himself, however hard it was without his glasses.

Later, Turgen and Sinam were expelled from the school and put under the watch of the local police. The investigation led by the principal of the school, who finally started taking his job seriously and stopped to harass the female students for the moment, evidenced that Turgen’s gang terrorized many students by taking their money and molesting them. The police dismissed the gang and everybody was punished. Grisha and Juan were cured and returned to school. Very soon, they caught up to the material that they missed. They were happy. For no one dared worry them anymore.



Original version by Влад_Багров_Брат_3 on 19.06.2003
English translation by Килгор_Траут on 20.09.2004