Living with other people presents difficulties for most of us. Families can be unrelentingly hard, and many people relish being single and free. But at some point, we see that this freedom isn't what it appears to be, and decide to marry, or we simply fall in love. At the beginning we are so courteous with each other, but over time, familiarity diminishes the niceties, then we start to annoy each other with careless words and actions. In many cases, familiarity indeed breeds contempt. To avoid this disaster, why don't you:
If it's not possible to spend much of every day together, you can make sure you share the same room at night. That way, however you think of your day, it will always be contextualized by your relationship, giving your life structure and support.
My wife often makes me a cup of tea, and I always make a point of thanking her, which she, embarrassed, always dismisses. But she always smiles, because she knows I appreciate her kindness. Then when I make her her morning coffee, the same thing happens - she thanks me and I dismiss her saying it's nothing. But I really love to hear her thank me, and see her smile - knowing she knows I love her.
The principle benefit of being in a relationship, perhaps, is having someone to support you. When single we often fall prey to loneliness - if you are feeling beaten down by life, by people or events, it is much harder to resist alone. But with a friendly hug and some loving words we feel so much stronger to face up to harsh problems.
Misunderstandings can be destructive in any relationship, and one way of causing them is through dishonesty. Say I want to go to watch football, but I don't say so because I think my wife will be unhappy, so I don't go. Why should I resent her, when I didn't even give her the choice in the first place? If I just told her what I would like to do, it would have been better, wouldn't it?
Either you trust your partner, or you don't. And mistrust could be the death knell of your relationship. If you trust them to do the right thing, they will probably try to. And you will also try to do the right thing. If you don't trust them to do the right thing, you may be giving yourself permission to do the wrong thing too, which is dangerous.
How will you start the next day fully in love if you can't end the day right? Think of why you love your partner before you go to bed. Tell them you love them, and make contact - a kiss, a hug - whatever works for you.
Most friendships form out of a shared sense of humor. The same will also keep a relationship strong. So always find some way you can enjoy the same thing and you will bind yourself ever closer.
If you give your partner the courage to try things, you have eliminated a wall of negativity. We all have doubts about ourselves, so it is our responsibility to help others overcome them. Do this and you will feel the positivity return straight back to you.
Whatever choice your partner has made; it was still their choice. And if you condemn them they will retreat from you. If you offer them understanding, they will appreciate you and remain close.
You don't have to go bungee-jumping to try something for the first time together. Take a class, start a new hobby, go to a new place, cook together - whatever you can think of. In a way, it is not the activity that matters, but the company you keep. Say you fancy doing x: invite your partner to join in. Chances are they will say yes.
Often we think what we want and what they want are an either-or situation. This is not necessarily so. In business we negotiate terms to find a satisfying solution, relationships work well with the same principles. Tell your partner: "we can do what you want now if we do what I want next time". How could they possibly disagree?
The most important thing is that you let your partner know you know that although they may have made a mistake, they were not malicious and didn't wish to upset you. If you show your forgiveness with a smile, they will realize you didn't have to forgive them, and they'll be grateful to avoid your wrath.
There is no better way to show your love than to surprise your partner with a sudden message when you are absent. It could be a note on the fridge, under their cup of tea, or written on the steamed-up bathroom mirror. They will simply love it.
How do you do this? Firstly, turn off the TV, put some nice music on, set the table properly - and comb your hair. Anything you can do to let your partner know that mealtime is special. This way meals will become a cherished part of your day.
It is so easy to respect distant people, strangers whom we don't know and may never meet. Yet those who are close to us can often be forgotten and dismissed. This attitude should be avoided. Always try to picture your partner as they seem to other people, and accordingly you will treat them with the respect the world already gives them. From this your partner will never feel that they are treated worse by their partner than people they meet outside, and they will not seek comfort elsewhere.
