19.05.09 (English start)

I feel myself like a newborn child. I’m screams, falls tears of pain and misunderstood of what the fuck is happening in this world…
What the fuck is happening with me and my second authority named John Foster? He is near, right in middle of my soul, but I don’t feel him! I’m alone here! Inside the trap of difficulties. Mine troubles, which grows inside my sick brain…
What the fuck is happening with my heart? There is ache kingdom there. Five months I feel sorrow and sadness cause of love. Because I love bitch and she simply hates me and fucks with my ex-best friend. Nice perspective. Why do I call this a perspective? Very plain… Because this is the greatest irony of my life! She will be happy with fucker and trader more months, maybe years - then with me, her first love and her angel. The greatest irony of my love and all obvious feelings of our humanity. And nice perspective to be a looser every day, every night and mourning too. I’m so deep in this. A lot of happy dreams, dreams about apologize, about reunion, about future. That future, that we are created in our beloved mind together… In my dreams everyday!!! Rah… When I wake up I feel myself like the stupidest idiot. I believe, still believe, in love with her. I’ve seen thousands of dirty kisses, sucks and hugs, billions of smiles and happy speeches between NeeDLe and bastard and I’m still believe in love! Rah… But I will never forgive her. I know it. I will love her till the end of my life, I could bring her into my life again too, but I will never forgive her. This pain is forever in me. Deep inside me. Everyone knows that there are no future between NeeDLe and Evan anymore, but I’m still seeing dreams. This is my nature. Once has, once lost – forever tears falls…
How much months I will keep on writing about this brainless diminutive teenager? This question is amusing and attention-grabbing. Rah…
I’m just wasting my time! Just wasting my time! But this is who I am – sentiment tiny lover. Proudly carrying the colors, my mission, my fate, my dream for my destiny.

I’ve changed a design of my diary and choose to be English.
Right now Senses Fail – Family Tradition is playing in Winamp. Don’t like at all. Turned in just for memories. Last days of having a girl of your dreams was filled with Senses Fail.
Shit. I’ve became angry and depressive. Stop.
30 Seconds to Mars will heal my. I pray. Oh, no.
The Devil Wears Prada will be more gorgeous. Yeah, it works. Until I turn off the pc and lay in my cradle. Dream attack awaits me. Booagh…

Y-day I’ve read Death Note a little. Should say, that it was pretty. Pretty interesting and breathtaking. Don’t thought, that someday manga will catch me.

Let’s bake that cake, let’s!

It will be the last song between my beds. Assistant To The Regional Manager – this is how it calls. Booagh… Rah…

Goodnight diary.
I pray my dreams come true.
I pray, I pray, I pray…