Ringing Sensation
~~ YAY 21st chapter! What did she want to give to him?? Enjoy! :)~~
Come out Michael Anna stated with a soft, angelic voice in an attempt to reassure him that everything would be fine and that he wouldnt get into trouble. His dark eyes never moved as she scanned him carefully, taking in his shadowed image.
The joy she had once seen in his eyes was now replaced with deep sorrow and guilt that would probably never go away. She couldnt even begin to fathom what he had gone through in prison between the inmates and the guards, but assumed it was not very amusing. Prison had sufficiently broken his spirit and now he was even too afraid to come near his ex-wife to be. Slowly, she reached out her soft pink hand and held it there for a moment in front of him, signaling to him for a final time to come out.
It was now or never as they stared at each other silently for countless seconds. Finally, Mike lifted his arm slowly and cautiously, feeling his hand shaking with anticipation and anxiety as he touched her hand gently, feeling the warmth circulating through the flesh. Anna gripped him gently and pulled him out of the black abyss of the laundry room and out into the hall. Slowly, she reached into her purse and grabbed a small circular object, then opened Mikes hand, revealing the tanned palm. She never took her eyes away from his as she placed the surprisingly heavy object into his hand and closed his fingers around it. He stared down at his own hand, blinking slowly with a heavily beating heart.
MichaelI want you to have this ring. Its yours, you paid for it.
He looked up from his hand and stared into her steel blue eyes, fully aware of the wedding band in his palm.
AnnaI gave this to you not just as a sign of marriage, but as a sign of love. Why are you giving this back to me? he whispered, furrowing his brow with each word.
Anna swallowed hard and shook her head, pulling her hand away from his and leaving the ring within it. I cant keep it Mike. I would only be holding onto a memory I dont want.
You dont want to remember how much you loved me? he asked, lowering his eyes.
I dont want to remember how you destroyed that love. I hope you can understand that. She explained blankly.
Mike nodded a little and lowered his head, opening his fist to reveal the tiny shining object; the light reflecting off of it, creating crystal like designs on his skin.
You dont want to remember me he breathed in realization, sensing her nodding her head as he continued to stare at the ring.
Although I wont be able to completely forget you Mike.
He looked up slowly, watching a weak smile spreading across her crimson lips.
When I hear Laura swearingor see that deep scowl she always gives when shes annoyed or pissedit will remind me of you. When I see Xanders eyes brighten up with joy and happiness as he becomes excitedit will remind me of you. When I hear your music She trailed off as the tears began to well up within Mikes reddening eyes.
I wont forget you Mikeand neither will your children. If theres one thing about you that makes you a great person, its your will to survive and the strength you use to stay there. You ARE the strongest person Ive ever knownand not just physically but emotionally as well. I know youll survive this and I know youll get through this. Its just going to take some time okay? Besides, before you know it, youll be starting a whole new family and-.
I dont want a new familyI want MY family. He interrupted with a broken voice.
Another great quality Mike had was impatience and being totally uncooperative when he was upset, which in turn made it even more difficult to emotionally disengage himself from the people he loved. Sometimes, Anna believed he was even more stubborn than Laura.
Michaelyour family doesnt want you. She replied softly, watching his heart breaking in two just by staring into those dark watery eyes.
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Anna reached up and wiped the small tear that was now trickling down Mikes cheek and lowered her eyes sadly, hearing him give a small sniff. He pulled away from her touch and grabbed her hand with a glare, shoving the wedding ring back into her palm.
You need this more than me he stated with a stuffed voice from the lump growing in his throat.
Anna stared at him with confusion and shook her head at his words, not knowing exactly what he was talking about. I dont want it-.
Dont fucking argue with me Anna. I dont care if you dont want ityou NEED it.
I-I dont understand she muttered with a growing frown.
He gave a heavy sigh and blinked away his tears, knowing what he had to do to get her to help her family surviveeven if it meant losing a part of her.
Sell the ring and get the two million dollars back that I used to pay for it with. It should pay off all the debts from my drinking and all the late bills. Youll even have enough money left to buy yourselves some new clothes and all the food you could ever want and then some. He explained sadly.
Anna stared at him in shock, not believing that he had just sacrificed the wedding ring, the sign of their love, to feed and clothe his family. Perhaps the ring really did signify the love he had for them.
I cant do that she whispered, still feeling the shock of his comment.
Yes Annayou can. If youre not going to do it for me then at leased do it for ourYOUR children he replied quietly.
After a brief moment of silence, Anna finally nodded and gripped onto the ring as tightly as ever, almost feeling the safety in which it represented.
Okay she whispered.
With that, Mike closed his eyes with relief and noddedbut froze suddenly when he felt Annas arms wrap around him and her warm lips touch his cheek lightly. For what felt like an eternity, he couldnt movecouldnt even think. Surely this was violating some sort of condition in the restraining order. Slowly, she pulled away from him and stroked his warm cheek gently, feeling him shiver under her touch. His eyes were filled with confusion and anxiety as she brushed her fingers through his neatly spiked hair, grazing his ear ever so often and causing goose bumps to dance across his skin.
For endless minutes, they just stood there in each others arms, not saying a wordwhich left Chester confused. He began to wonder if Anna was ever going to let go of himor if Mike was ever going to let go of her. Anna bit her bottom lip nervously as she attempted to resist the urge to kiss him over and over againwanting to completely forget about the restraining order and the divorce papers which were going to be sent out in a few days.
She just couldnt explain it. There was something in his eyes that made her want to stay in his armssomething almost hypnotic. For the first time in a very long time, she felt extremely safe and comfortable with him, something she had not expected to feel in a million years.
Umguys?
The sound of Chesters voice seemed to have released them from the hypnotic stare, making them both sigh out shakily. What had just happened between them was inexplicableand downright confusing.
MikeI have to go Anna stated quietly, pulling herself away from him. Just as she did this, Mike grabbed her and kept his arms wrapped around her tightlybut not so tightly as to squeeze her to an uncomfortable level.
M-Mikeyou have to let go of me now she explained shakily.
NoI c-cant he replied with a trembling voice; his eyes filling with tears once again.
Mike please she answered, feeling the frown deepening on her brow.
I dont wanna let you go Anna he sniffed as the tears began trailing down his cheeks, creating clear streams. Anna sighed heavily and glanced at Chester, pleading to him for help.
Somehow she knew this was going to happen. Chester walked around behind Mike and gently placed his hands on his shoulders, easing him away from Anna.
Come on manlet her go he whispered softly.
Reluctantly, Mike released his grip from her waist and stumbled backwards a little, stopping short before he knocked into Chester. Anna swallowed hard and lowered her eyes as the tears still streamed down his cheeks. God, how many more painful good byes was this man going to have to go through?
Im sorry Mike she whispered, watching his eyes glisten under the harsh lights of the hall.
This was the one moment where she REALLY felt sorry for himbecause in all honesty she had approached him first. It was only natural for him to want to cling to her because of this action.
Chestertake care of him she stated quietly, seeing him nod while trying his best to comfort his best friend by rubbing his shoulder lightly. Without another word, Anna adjusted her purse to her shoulder and left the house, closing the door lightly behind her.
Before Chester had a chance to ask if Mike was going to be alright, he left his friend standing there in the hall by himself and threw himself down onto the couch, leaning his elbow against the armrest.
As Chester stared at his shadowed face, he knew he was not going to be moving away from that couch for a very long time
{Song: Siberia}
{Artist: Backstreet Boys}
~~ AWWWW NOO POOR MIKEY!!...hehe...stay tuned for more...im estimating about 7 more chapters lmao..God.. -_-...ugh...okay so tell me what you thought about this chapter and thanks so much for the reviews and so much for reading! :)~~
Lonely Fire
~~ YAY chapter 22!!...Okay just to let everyone know...this chapter is pretty random and pointless until the end...and i dont know what the hell is wrong with me today because somehow...I almost did something I shouldn't have done. Its hard to explain but thankfully i deleted that paragraph LOL. OMG THIS CHAPTERS SUCKS LOL...oh yeah, and this chapter makes no sense whatsoever...lol...Anywhoo..enjoy...the end is nearing!! OH NO! lol.. :)~~
Empty reasons for my past
Excuses do not hold
I'm struck with my affliction
An inner perfect storm
Why didn't someone warn me
To save me from myself
The pain is self inflicted
The decisions were my own
Now listen to history
There's so much I could say
There's so much that I've learned
Don't make my mistake
There's no time to delay
Take my hand and learn from my heartache
Take a look into the past
See all the things I've learned
Looking for a truth inside
But only finding pain
See these deep and painful scars
Cutting to the bone
Do you want to look like me?
With a broken empty life
Now listen to history
There's so much I could say
There's so much that I've learned
Don't make my mistake
There's no time to delay
Take my hand and learn from my heartache
Some things you may never understand
But knowledge from lessons not your own
Can save you from the unknown which may stop your fall
There's so much I could say
There's so much that I've learned
Don't make my mistake
There's no time to delay
Take my hand and learn from my heartache
Chester came down the stairs slowly, rubbing his eyes which were still stinging from the shampoo he had used only moments ago. As he marched into the kitchen, he attempted to ignore the huddled up black figure sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the television screen. Who was he kidding? He couldnt ignore his best friend, especially now that he was extra worried about him.
For two weeks, Mike had not moved from that couch, well aside from the usual bathroom break. Chester had to literally throw him food from the kitchen because he had refused to leave the safety of the sofa. Chester had tried on many occasions to motivate Mike to at leased go outside for some fresh air, but the man just blinked at him with disinterest and returned to watching a mindlessly boring program on TV about penguins. The worst thing was Mike hadnt even shaved for two weekseven after taking the two showers he so desperately needed, according to Chester.
The light stubble that had once taken over his lips and jaw was now darker and heavier, making him seem scruffy and unclean. Chester shook his head at his best friend silently, wishing there was something he could do to lift his spirits. That would be very difficult however, because Chester had threatened on many occasions to kick Mike out of the house unless he found his own placeor at leased tried. He wasnt going to allow him to become a living vegetable, mooching food and using his bathrooms.
With a sigh, Chester decided he had had enough of this silence and marched towards Mike, turning off the TV. Mike stared at him silently for a moment with a shaded face and a barely visible glare.
I was watching that you ass. He stated quietly with a scratchy voicethe same voice he hadnt used in over a week.
Chester crossed his arms and stared down at him like a father scolding his five year old.
Thats it MikeIve had enough of this sitting around like a lazy old fart.
Mike casually sat back and rubbed his messy hair, still staring at Chester with those menacingly black Asian eyes.
Is this going to be another one of those be a responsible adult conversations? Because if it is, you can save yourself the air and just leave me the hell alone. He muttered.
Chester glared down at him and gave a low growl of anger. Yeah Mike this is going to be one of those conversations because quite frankly, Ive had enough of this shit! Ive had enough of you sitting around, staring at the TV and eating all my food. If you want food, go buy your own. If you want to mope in a corner, go buy your own house and do it. I dont have time for you and your sissy crying!
Im not crying Chester, Im sulkingbig difference. Mike snarled back.
Dont be a smartass with me! Im serious this time. If youre going to continue doing this then youre going to have to leave. Chester explained, confident that he would actually go through with it this time.
The other times, he had always felt sorry for Mike as soon as he saw those teary eyes and trembling lipsbut now he was going to be strong and he wouldnt give into Mikes sorrowful pleas for mercy.
So what, youre going to kick me out just like the other five times? This is getting very old Chester. He replied.
Dont believe me?
Not really.
Finebelieve this.
With that, Chester grabbed Mikes bag and began throwing all of his clothes into it, followed by his unused razor and other necessities. He then zipped up the bag and grabbed Mike by the shirt, pulling him up roughly. Mike was surprised by his strength and stumbled up, feeling his best friend dragging him towards the front door. Chester grabbed the door knob and flung the door open, causing it to hit the wall with a loud thud.
Out!
Mike stared at him silently and blinked in disbelief that his best friend was actually kicking him out. This was becoming quite serious and he briefly felt guilty for taking advantage of Chester, eating all his food and mooching off of him for everything else. But that guilt was quickly replaced with helplessnessand loneliness.
He was alone without a familywhat else was he supposed to do?
Leave the comfort of Chesters home?
No.
C-Chester-.
No MikeIm not going to give into your crying this time. Leave NOW. Chester watched as Mike stared at him with this pathetic looking scowl of helplessness.
A long moment of silence passed between them, each minute increasing the tension. Mike quickly became worried because Chester looked so defiant and confident about all of this. Was he actually going to follow through with it this time?
Chaz, come onI have no where to go he whimpered quietly, hoping that would soften his heart a little.
Thats not my problemout.
Chester you cant-.
Get the fuck out of my house! He yelled, causing Mike to jump with a start. He hadnt meant to scare himbut frankly he was sick of him stuck to that sofa like bacteria.
It wasnt healthy and it certainly wasnt very attractive. The only way he was going to be able to help him was to kick him out of his comfort zone and force him to take responsibility of his life.
Im sorry Mikebut this is the way it has to be. I cant keep coming to your rescue. Like you said after you came out of that prison two weeks ago, youre a big boy and you can handle yourself. I think youve just gotten used to the fact that Ive been sheltering you and doing everything for you. Well guess what Mike? Its over. Yes you lost your family and yes you are grieving but you cant let that control you. Its time to start moving on from themand its time for you to start moving forward because if you dont, youll be stuck in this same place for the rest of your life.
In reality, he made a really good point. But Mike didnt totally agree with himwell frankly because he was stubborn and didnt realise that sulking around like this was making him ill.
I love them Chesterand they completely abandoned me-.
Well gee I wonder why! Did you think theyd welcome you back with open arms after you became an alcoholic and beat the shit out of them every night? Anna did the right thing and you know it. Stop acting like youre the victim here because youre NOT. You have no right to be crying about losing them!
Chesters shouts echoed throughout the vaulted ceiling of his house and slowly dissipated with each second.
Mike lowered his head with shame and sorrow, staring at the hardwood floor beneath him. He hated the fact that Chester was right. He hated the fact that he himself had been trying to make himself the victim. He knew that Chester wasnt being hard on him because he hated him. He was being hard on him because he had to behe had to get him going and he had to motivate him, even if that meant screaming at him and smacking him.
In all honesty, what Chester was doing now was the best possible solution to Mikes problem. He had to get him angry. When Mike was angry, he was passionate, he was stubbornand he was strong. He needed that strength if he was going to survive.
What, now youre going to cry? Chester asked as he watched the tears threatening to roll down his cheeks. Mike remained silent as Chester snorted in disbelief.
What the hell kind of ex-con are you anyway? You know what you are Mike? Youre a baby. Youre a filthy, lying, faggot baby!
Mike lifted his eyes slightly at the comment and felt his cheeks reddeningnot with embarrassment, but with sudden anger. Chester gave a crooked smile, feeling pride in his growing accomplishment of angering him.
You sit around here like a lazy ass tart and crythats all you do! Jesus Christ, you are the weakest person I have ever known! Even right now, youre not even stopping me for what Im saying! Come on, hit me at least!
Mike stared at him and blinked slowly, not sure what he was trying to accomplish by getting him angry.
Either hit me or continue cryingits your choice. He muttered, watching Mikes jaw tightening.
Perfectit was working. Now for the icing on the cakeand BOY was this going to be sweet.
Alright fine, cry! Cry all you wantjust let it all out! Because at the end of the day, all youre going to be is a no good fucking Ja-.
His words caught in his throat suddenly as Mike gripped him around the neck and smashed him up against the wall, peering into his soul through malevolent eyes. Chester shivered as Mike breathed heavily with burning anger and adrenaline.
Finish that fucking sentence and I swear to God Ill rip every organ out of your body he stated in a low, gravely voice.
Chester stared at him silently as Mikes grip became tighter and tighter, squeezing the air from his lungs. Okayperhaps getting him angry was not the best idea since he was still a lot stronger than him. But, knowing Chesterhe didnt know when to keep his mouth shut.
F-fucking Ja-.
Slam.
Mikes fist made contact with the side of Chesters face, bruising the bone and causing him to cry out and cough with pain.
Keep it up Chazkeep it up Mike whispered into his ear. Alright, things were starting to become a little dangerous for Chester but of course, he had to get in one last word.
Ja-.
Mike growled and punched him hardthree times in the face, sending his head crashing into the wall. Mike breathed heavily, feeling his chest rising and falling in time with his rapid heartbeats. He couldnt believe Chester was going to say that word right to his face.
How could he do that? How could he even think about calling his best friend that? Mike swallowed hard, watching Chester blinking himself out of the daze he had been thrown into and immediately felt guilty for punching him.
Then it hit him.
Chester was attempting to get him to relieve his anger and frustration in a safe environment. Mike hadnt realized how much anger and overwhelming emotions he had kept bottled up inside from being abandoned but soon felt the rush of adrenaline fading into a relatively peaceful sigh. As Chester finally found his bearings, he suddenly felt Mikes head on his shoulder and his heated breathing against his chest. Perhaps he had finally put his pain into perspectiveand realized he could overcome it at any time.
Chester had entrusted within him the realization of his strength, not just physically but emotionally as well. He had also found a unique way of calming him down. Having Mike bottle up his emotions like that was dangerousbut if he released them slowly and not all at once, he would be able to calm down much faster than usual.
Im sorry he managed to whisper, feeling his best friends arm wrap around him.
Its okay Mikeyou got all that anger out of your system. Are you finished moping and sulking now? he asked quietly.
That dependsare you still kicking me out?
I dont knowdo you feel better now that youre not angry at the entire world and the fact that your family was taken away from you? he replied.
And what if I do feel better? Mike asked cautiously.
Then that means you can put your anger aside and concentrate on more important thingslike getting your own place. As long as youre trying to find oneyoure welcome to stay here. Chester explained.
OkayIm feeling better he admitted quietly, digging his head into his shoulder. Chester chuckled a little and shook his head as he rubbed his friends back comfortingly.
You do know that youre not supposed to bottle up your emotions right? Then you become this depressed, self-destructing robot. What the hell did they teach you in anger management? he demanded.
They said I was hopeless and gave me drugs Mike replied with a small giggle. Chesters smile slowly faded after a long moment of realizing the position he and Mike were now in. They were holding each other like fucking school girls with nothing left but each other.
Hey Mike? he asked softly.
Yeah? he breathed, closing his eyes as he took in his best friends warmth.
Uhyoure not on those drugs right now are you? he asked nervously.
Mike frowned a little and gave a heavy sigh of comfort, shaking his head.
Nopewhy?
Chester stared down at him and raised a brow of interest, observing the peaceful look upon his face. He didnt want to ruin the comfortable momentbut somehow this felt strange to him.
Because I feel like we both just came out of the closet and are celebrating it together he muttered in response.
Mike gave a small smile and chuckled lightly. What the hell are you talking about?
Are you kidding me? Does this not feel gay to you? he demanded.
Not reallyits just a friendly hug Mike stated casually.
Chester coughed out a small laugh and shook his head. Mike was acting very oddalmost like he was too happy to be in his best friends arms.
UmMikethis is not a hug. We are holding each other. Pretty soon, we will be gazing into each others eyes and making sweet love in the upstairs guest bedroom
Mikes eyes snapped open, and he released himself from Chesters grip with a beat red face. Chester couldnt help but smirk at Mikes twitching lips and wide eyes.
Ohcrap he mumbled, running a hand through his ruffled spikes.
Mike its okay. Youve been away from Anna for a long time now. Its only natural you would want to seek affection in one of your best friends. Golly, I never knew you were attracted to me!
Mike stared at him silently, feeling his cheeks burning even harder than before. This all seemed to have been happening way too fast for his liking.
You know whatI think Ill move out now he muttered.
Because youre attracted to me? Chester asked with an arched brow of confusion.
Mike glared and felt his jaw tightening with irritation and nerves.
Im NOT attracted to you!
Gee thanks Mike. Words hurt you know Chester pouted and crossed his arms. Mike gave a distraught laugh of stress and shook his head, feeling slightly dizzy from all of this.
Im not attracted to you and I am certainly NOT gay. What the hell ever happened to needing a hug once and a while? he demanded.
Mike, relaxI was joking. Chester replied, then burst out laughing when Mike lowered his eyes in realization.
Oh my Godyou should see the look on your face right now! He shouted through his fit of giggles. Mike bit his bottom lip and sighed inwardly at his friends stupidity.
He was in a moment of grief and he was being made fun of. Well, on the bright side, he had completely forgotten about how depressed he was about losing his family because he was concentrating so much on howstrangethat hug really was. At least he could appreciate the fact that he no longer felt sad or lonely. Just veryverypissed at his dumbass best friend at the moment. Without saying another word, he marched out onto the front steps and disappeared outside.
Chester finally stopped laughing and wheezed with a frown, seeing Mike no where in sight. Quickly, he walked outside and saw Mike hopping into his truckthen stared at him with expectation.
Mike, what the hell are you doing in my truck? he shouted, then jumped into the drivers seat, slamming his door beside him.
I need some fresh air. Are you going to drive or what? Mike replied and sat back comfortably.
Chester raised a brow and cocked his head as he pulled the keys out of his pocket and stuck them into the ignition.
Guess sowhere are we going?
Wherever manI just want to feel the wind in my air and hear the silence of the night He replied and closed his eyes, already feeling the breeze ruffling his hair from the open window.
Chester nodded a little and pulled out of the driveway, respecting his friends wishes for silence. As they drove along the long meandering Californian roads, Chester couldnt help but glance over to see Mike in a peaceful and serene state.
He had always loved the night air and somehow it calmed him. He could still see the pain of loss, visible in the small frown lines upon his brow. Chester knew that Mike was thinking about themabout Laura, tucking herself in for bed. About Anna tucking Xander in for bed. Right now, his heart was with them, even if he wasnt physically. About an hour passed and they continued to travel East down the long quiet neighbourhoods. Mike suddenly opened his eyes and sat up, looking around at all the houses and trees. Chester frowned a little and glanced at him, before looking back at the road.
Something wrong? he muttered quietly.
Mike glared and stared out the window towards the back of the neighbourhood where the last rows of houses were. Something about the air in this neighbourhood didnt sit right and he felt this rising anxiety throughout his body.
I dont knowkeep driving he ordered softly.
Chester complied willingly and slowed a bit, allowing Mike time to observe his surroundings. He had no idea what was going on right now but he figured Mike knew somethingalthough he had no idea what that something was. All of a sudden, Mike felt a sinking feeling within his heart as he realized what neighbourhood they were in.
Although, this neighbourhood usually had some sort of party going on, or loud dogs barking into the wee hours of the morningtonight was different. There was an eerie silence hanging over the darkness of the block and as he stared out towards the larger houses in the backthe anxiety in his heart bubbled to the surface, causing him to cry out.
Stop the truck!
Chester glanced at him with confusion and frowned.
What?
Stop the fucking truck! Mike shouted with impatience.
Chester pounded his foot against the breaks, causing the truck to stop violently with a forward thrust. Mike jolted out of the vehicle and stared into the darknessinto the eerie silence.
Yet one sound, one very distinct sound itched through his ears, almost perking them up for a better listen. He could hear soft crackling and what sounded like great gusts of wind. And then he saw itthe reflection of the blaze lighting up his dark eyes.
It was in that moment that his maternal instincts kicked incausing him to shout at Chester to get back in the truck and drive
{Song: Mistakes}
{Artist: Kutless..they fricken rock!}
~~ Shucks..a cliffhanger...ugh...man i am sooo not feeling like myself today..i dunno whats going on..something doesnt feel right... Anyways, what does Mike see?? WHY THE MATERNAL INSTINCT?? HUH???...man maybe I had too much Pepsi..or maybe...it was the bagel...Ugh...I feel like crap for some reason..actually not like crap...just...kind of mental..i dunno, its weird..WHOA i forgot what i was doing...omg be afraid for me, im losing my mind..ok..maybe im high on something...lol...Anyways, tell me what you thought of this chapter and more to come soon hopefully..thanks for reading and thanks for putting up with this incredibly long authors note because for some reason i feel mental today...Oh man i really dont feel good...*passes out*~~
