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Spike: If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move.
...
Spike: So, who do you kill for fun around here?
...
Spike: You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.

Vampire: We cut the power. Nobody got out.
Spike: And the Slayer?
Vampire: She either went that way... [points right.] Or that way. [points left.] I saw two others.
Spike: You don't know?! [lets go of teacher.] I'm a veal kind of guy. You're too old to eat. [grabs his head and snaps his neck.] But not to kill. [to Vampire.] I feel better.

Spike: [sing-song.] Slaaayer! Here, kitty, kitty. [Beat.] I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna suck 'em dry! And use their bones to bash your head in. Are you gettin' a word picture here?

Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. [tuts.] You should have someone out there.
Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Yeah. Come up against this Slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave her the puppy dog "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!
Xander: I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.

Spike: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Angel: Things change.
Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom!

Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.

(Ford has just entered Spike's warehouse base)
Spike: Is anyone on watch here? It's called security, people! Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?

Spike: (On Ford's request to become a vampire) I've known you for two minutes and I already can't stand you. I really don't feature you living forever. (to Drusilla) Can I eat him now, love?

Dalton: Yes, but ... The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn't that overkill?
Spike: No, I think it's just enough kill.

[Spike is dragging an unconscious Angel away.]
Willy: What are you gonna do with him anyway?
Spike: I'm thinking... maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know.

Buffy: Angel...
Spike: Yeah! It bugs me too, seeing 'em like that. Another five minutes and Angel will be dead, so I forbear. Don't feel too bad for Angel. He's got something you don't have.
Buffy: What's that?
Spike: Five minutes.

Spike: Are we feeling better then?
Drusilla: I'm naming all the stars.
Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
Drusilla: I can see them, but I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion. I fear there will be a duel.

Spike: Hurts, doesn't it?
Angelus: Well, you know, it kinda itches a little.
Spike: Don't just stand there. Burn him.
Angelus: Gee, maybe he's broken.
Spike: What the hell is going on?
Judge: This one ... cannot be burnt. He is clean.
Spike: Clean? You mean, he's ...
Judge: There's no humanity in him.
Angelus: I couldn't have said it better myself.
Drusilla: Angel.
Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.
...
Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?
Angelus: What can I say, hmm? I was going through a phase.
...
Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?
Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.

Spike: Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'être, you know.
...
Angelus: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it, do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl ... you have to love her.

Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Drusilla: Don't worry, Spike. Angel always knows...what speaks to a girl's heart.

Spike: Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
Angelus: Don't worry, Roller Boy. I've got everything under control.

[Angelus is washing furiously in the garden.]
Spike: You might want to let up. They say once you've drawn blood, you've exfoilated.
Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was freaking violated. You didn't have this thing in you.
Drusilla: What was it? A demon?
Angelus: Love!
Drusilla: Poor Angel.

Drusilla: I met an old man. Didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth.
...
Angelus: You can see all that in your head?
Spike: No, you ninny. She read it in the morning paper.

Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

Spike: Hello cutie
(...)
Buffy: You do remember that you're a vampire, right?
Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals on legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision, with a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square.
...
Buffy: The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care.

Buffy: I'm, uh, in a band. A-a rock band with Spike here.
Spike: Right, she plays the-the triangle...
Buffy: Drums!

Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Um, you hit me with an ax one time, remember? Uh, "get the hell away from my daughter."
Joyce: Oh.

Spike: I don't want to hurt you, baby. [punches her in the face] Doesn't mean I won't.

Spike: She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a Chaos demon! Have you ever seen a Chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting... She only did it to hurt me. So I said, "I'm not putting up with this anymore." And she said, "Fine!" And I said, "Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!" And then she said... she said we could still be friends. [leans over and sobs on Willow's shoulder.] God, I'm so unhappy!
Willow: [tentatively pats his knee.] There, there.

Buffy: You took Willow.
Spike: You do me now, you'll never find the little witch.
Joyce: [confused.] Willow's a witch?
Buffy: And Xander?
Spike: Him, too.
Joyce: What, Xander's a witch?

Spike: Look, I just need a few supplies, and then I'll take you to... [stops and grabs his head.] Oh, God.
Buffy: What's wrong? Not that I care.
Spike: Oh... My head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. [doubles over.] Oh, God. I wish I was dead.
Buffy: [pulls out a stake.] Well, if you close your eyes and wish real hard...
Spike: [straightens up.] Hey! Back off!
Angel: Buffy, we still need him to find the others.
Buffy: Need him? He's probably just got them locked up in the factory.
Spike: Well... hey, how thick do you think I am?
...
Spike: Oh, God.
Angel: Now what?
Spike: We killed a homeless man on this bench. Me and Dru. Those were good times. [chuckles.] You know, he begged for mercy, and you know, that only made her bite harder.
[Buffy and Angel are unimpressed.]
Buffy: I guess you had to be there.

Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back to making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike: Oh, yeah, you're just friends.
Angel: That's right.
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Lenny: I heard you'd gone soft. Sad to see it, man.
Spike: Soft?
Lenny: Yeah, like baby food.
Spike: [smiling, sotto vox.] Well, then, let's give baby a taste.
...
[Spike repeatedly smashing Lenny's head onto the table.]
Spike: Baby like his supper? Baby like his supper?
[He flips him over onto the table on his back.]
Spike: Why doesn't baby have a nap? [stakes him.]

Spike: [sees Buffy tenderly helping Angel] Oh yeah, just friends. Noooo worries there...
Buffy: Could we just do the damn spell now?
Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. [smiling.] I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her, until she likes me again.
...
Spike: [smiles thoughtfully.] Love's a funny thing.

Buffy: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I dumped her!
Harmony: She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days.
Spike: Harm!

[Spike, having tricked Willow into inviting him into her dorm room, prepares to attack her.]
Spike: I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me.
Willow [frightened]: I'll scream!
Spike: Bonus. [moves toward Willow's neck]
...
[A short time later, Spike sits on Willow's bed, confused and disconsolate. Willow still cowers from him.]
Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
Willow [timidly trying to offer comfort]: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again.
[He tries to attack Willow again, only to crumple in searing pain from a microchip the Initiative scientists implanted in his brain.]
Spike: Ow ow ow! Dammit!! [kicks a dresser]
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me it doesn't!
...
Spike [desperate and embarrassed]: I'm only 126!
Willow: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...
[Finally realizing the insanity of her advice, Willow grabs a lamp, smashes it over Spike's head and tries to flee the room.]

Spike: Oh, someone put a stake in me!
Xander: You gotta lot of volunteers in here.
Spike: I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Willow: Uh, the preferred term is-
Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Buffy: Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Spike: Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?
Willow: We don't wanna fight anyone.
Buffy: I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
Spike: Heh heh. Yeah...Good luck.
Willow: If we could talk to him--
Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.
Giles: I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.

Buffy cuts the Indian with his own knife, thinking she can defeat him. Instead, he changes into a huge bear.
Spike: A bear! You made a bear!
Buffy: I, I didn't mean to.
Spike: Undo it, undo it!

Giles: Look, Spike - we have no intention of killing a harmless... uh, creature... we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent...
Spike: Hey!
Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're...
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy -
Buffy: [sarcastically] Giles, help! He's going to scold me.

Spike:Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?

Buffy: One more word out of you, and I swear...
Spike: Swear, what? You're not gonna do anything to me. You don't have the stones.
Buffy: Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of... stones.

Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you want to be "William the Bloody" or just "Spike?" 'cause either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.
Spike: (tartly) Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance.
Buffy: What's wrong with Buffy?
Giles: Huh... such a good question.

Buffy: There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception...
Spike: Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.
Buffy: How about a daytime ceremony. In the park.
Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust.
Buffy: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, only.
Spike: Warm breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again you're registering as Mr. and Mrs. Big-Pile-of-Dust.

Buffy: Spike and I are getting married!
Xander: How? What? How?
Giles: Three excellent questions.
Spike: [to Buffy] What are you looking at?
Buffy: The man I love.
[She and Spike kiss, long and salaciously. Xander and Anya avert their eyes.]
Xander: Can I be blind too?

Spike: Don't I get a cookie?
Buffy: No.
Spike: Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.
Buffy: You're a pig, Spike.
Spike: Yeah, well, I'm not the one who wanted "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance.
(Xander, Anya and Giles turn and stare incredulously at Buffy.)
Buffy: (embarrassed) ... That was the spell!

[Spike complains about the lack of "Weetabix" cereal.]
Giles: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yep. Well, sometimes, I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood -- give it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.

[At Giles's apartment, Xander and Anya are arguing about their relationship.]
Xander: If you don't know how I feel about -
Anya: I don't. This isn't a relationship! You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
[The others are silent with disbelief.]
Xander: OK... remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.

[Spike is poised over an upright stake, arms spread wide as he prepares to fall on it.]
Spike: Goodbye, Dru. See you in Hell.

Xander: Besides, look on the bright side. If we don't come up with a solution, we might face an apocalypse.
Spike:[extremely happy] Really? You're not just saying that?

Spike: What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still afoot. That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can’t go without your Buffy? Is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One, after all. ... Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice... and for... the safety of puppies – and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! ... Let’s kill something! [Fade to black.] Oh, come on!

[Spike is in the process of 'moving out' of Xander's basement.]

Xander: You own nothing. This shouldn't be taking so long.
Spike: Hang on. Let a fella get organized. [picks up radio.]
Xander: That's my radio!
Spike: And you're what? Shocked and dissapointed? I'm evil!

Giles: Spike. Wonderful. A perfect end to a perfect day.
Spike: Giles?
Giles: Go on, then. Let's get on with the fighting -- You understand me?
Spike: Of course I understand you.
Giles: I'm speaking English?
Spike: No, you're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl. And... by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? You just come over all demony this morning?
...
Spike: And I'm just supposed to help you out of the evilness of my heart?
Giles: Y-you help me and I-I don't kill you.
Spike: Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter.
Giles: Money. I could pay you money.
Spike: Oh, I like money. How much?
Giles: A h-hundred dollars.
Spike: A hundred dollars? You'll have to do a lot better than that. Two-hundred.

[Driving in Giles' Citroen.]
Giles: If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear.
Spike: I'm doing my best, I don't know if I'm driving this thing or wearing it.

Spike: Well, you don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers.

Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers?
Faith [in Buffy's body]: 'Cause I'm a stuck up tight-ass with no sense of fun?
Spike: Well, yeah. That covers a lot of it.
Faith [in Buffy's body]: 'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [mockingly] Because it's wrong.
Spike: I get this chip out, you and me are going to have a confrontation.

Jonathan: [Of the monster he and Buffy are seeking] Have you seen it?
Spike: No...but then again, I'm probably lying.

Spike and Anya are at Riley's frat house for the party, when Spike realizes these are the people who chipped him and who haunted him after he escaped.
Spike: What are you doing. You brought me here?
Xander: Anya! What are doing. You brought him here?
Spike: That's what I said. Only, I hit the "here" part.

Xander: Buffy and Riley are trapped.
Anya: So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier boy. What do they need you for?
Xander: Anya, look around: there's ghosts and shaking and people are going all Felicity with their hair. We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's gotta go back in there. Now, who's with me?
Spike: I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once, and I don't fancy a single one of you at all, but... Actually, all of that sounds pretty convincing. [walks off.] I wonder if Danger Mouse is on.

Giles: [singing] If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
Well I must be traveling on now
There's too many places I've got to see
And if I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as bird now--
[Giles suddenly shrieks as he realizes Spike is standing in the room.]
Spike: You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.

Spike:(happily) Now that was fun!
Adam: You were successful?
Spike: ("no problem" scoff) Easier than I'd thought it'd be, too.
Adam: You're sure?
Spike: (scoffs) Feel it in my bones. I call it...the Yoko Factor. (off Adam's look) Don't tell me you've never heard of the Beatles?
Adam:: I have. (stands) I like "Helter Skelter."
Spike: What a surprise. The point is, they were once a real powerful group. It's not a stretch to say they ruled the world. And when they broke up everyone blamed Yoko, but the fact is the group split itself apart, she just happened to be there. You know how it is with kids. They go off to college, they grow apart. Way of the world.

[On getting Buffy to go where Adam wants her to]
Spike: Right. The Initiative. But getting her there, that's what the bleeding discs are for, innit? I mean, the little witch gives her the info, and pop! All sends her back down the rabbit hole.
Adam: The witch?
Spike: Ah, Willow. So high, perky, good with maths. Natural choice.
Adam: Her friend.
Spike: Right.
Adam: One of the friends from which you so efficiently separated her.
Spike: Damn right I did! You should have seen 'em, they won't be talking to each other for a long, long- [pointed stare from Adam] -hang on, I think I might have detected a small flaw.
Adam: So you failed.
Spike: Well, hey, you're supposed to be so smart, but you let me plan this thing! [Adam glares] Well, let's not quibble about who failed who, the important thing is making sure the Slayer is where we want-
Adam: Go.
Spike: Gone. (Walks to the door) So, um, we'll do this chip thing when I get back?

Harmony: I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework — reading books and stuff.
Spike: What? Evil for Dummies?

Buffy: Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.
Spike: It's blood. It's what I do!

Spike: I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice... and drink deep. [turns around and falls into an open grave] Ow!

Spike: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn she's there! That nasty little face, that bouncing shampoo-commercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude.
Harmony: Well, aren't we unholy by definition?
Spike: She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike around the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout o' torture! [Spike throws a lapid and break it]
Harmony: Spike?!

Buffy: What are you doing here? [Spike begins to answer] Five words or less.
Spike: [Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.

Giles: In fact if you want Tara, you have to go through every one of us.
Spike: [Holds up hand] Except me.
Xander: Except Spike.
Spike: I don't care what happens.

Spike: There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you.

Spike: Right. You want to learn all about how I bested the Slayers and you want to learn fast. Right, then: We fought. I won. The end. Pay up.
...
Buffy: Were you born this big a pain in the ass?
Spike: Well, what can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad.

Spike: Lesson the first: a Slayer must always reach for her weapon. [morphs into vampire face] I've already got mine.

Spike: How many of my kind do you think you've done?
Buffy: Not enough.
Spike: Mm-hmm. And we just keep comin'. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the armies of Hell besides, and all we need is for one of us, just one, sooner or later, to have the thing we're all hoping for.
Buffy: And that would be what?
Spike: [whispers in her ear] One... good... day.

Spike: The first was all business, but the second -- she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful... oh, did I mention? Hot. I could have danced all night with that one.
Buffy: You think we're dancing?
Spike: That's all we've ever done. And the thing about the dance is... you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: "Is today the day I die?"

Flashback Spike: Death is your art.
Spike: You make it with your hands, day after day.
Flashback Spike: That final gasp. That look of peace.
Spike: Part of you is desperate to know: "What's it like? Where does it lead you?"
Flashback Spike: And now, you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw, or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish.
[Flashback Spike snaps Nikki’s neck]
Flashback Spike: Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here, but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second - [Both Spikes clap their hands together inches from Buffy's face]
Spike: ... That happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson.

Spike: Look at you, all afraid I'm hot for your honey.
Riley: Because you are.
Spike: Well, yeah. But that's not your problem, even if I wasn't in the picture you're never going to be able to hold onto her. [Riley sticks his finger into the hole he's just made in Spike's chest] Oh! Bloody hell!
Riley: Maybe I didn't almost kill you enough.

Xander: Go away.
[Xander walks off. Spike grins and follows him.]
Spike: Now why would I do that, when it's bugging you so much having me here? They have chicken wings, too. Also a sort of, a flower shaped thing they make from an onion, it's brilliant.
Xander: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?
Spike: Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way. Beat the onion thing all to hell.

Spike: I know that look. Lot of people never really got Dru, you know.
...
Spike: Hey, watch it, mate.
[Spike turns to look up at Olaf. Both he and Xander stare.]
Spike: On second thought, do what you like.
...
Xander: So, uh, think I should run and get Buffy?
Olaf: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
Xander: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. Or maybe you could fight him.
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.

Spike: What's the matter, Slayer? You're not feeling a hundred percent?
Buffy: [frowns] No.
Spike: [frowns] They didn't put a chip in your head, did they?
Buffy: No!
Spike: Be funny if they did.

Lydia: But we understand that you help the Slayer?
Spike: I pitch in when she pays me.
Lydia: She pays you? She gives you money?
Spike: Money, little nip of blood out of some stray victim.
Lydia: Blood?
Spike: Well, they're gonna die anyway. Come to think of it, though, that's a bit scandalous, isn't it? Personally, I'm shocked. The girl's slipping.
Lydia: You've noticed a decline in her work?
Spike: Oh yeah. See, the poor little twig can't keep a man. Gets her all down. A few more disappointments and she'll be crying on my shoulder.
Lydia: Is that what you want? I'd think you'd want to kill her. You've killed Slayers before.
Spike: Heard of me, have you?
Lydia: I, uh, wrote my thesis on you.
Spike: Well, well. Isn't that neat.

Xander: The point is, I work hard for that money.
Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it.
Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!

Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike: Take that back!

Buffy: What... is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask? Is this a date?
Spike: A d-Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean... do you want it to be?

Spike: Oh, what...Ohh! Gaaah! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why... do you bitches torture me?
Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?

Buffy: You don't know what feelings are!
Spike: I damn well do! I lie awake every night-
Buffy: You sleep during the day!

Spike: You threw me through a window! What's that about?
April: You cannot make those suggestions to me! I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend.
Spike: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren!

Spike: [while being tortured by Glory] Yeah, OK, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. [Glory scoffs in disbelief] Mark my words: the Slayer ... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass [Glory checks out her butt in dismay] back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion-victim ex-god like you.

Spike: Is everyone here very stoned?

Spike: I'm willing to wager when all's said and done, Buffy likes it rough.

Xander: Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? Why couldn't it be like a-a lymph ritual or something?
Spike: 'Cause it's always got to be blood.
Xander: We're not actually discussing dinner right now.
Spike: Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood.

Buffy: Everyone knows their jobs, right? If the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn.
Spike: Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech, was it?
Giles: We few... we happy few.
Spike: We band of buggered.

Spike: Oh, poor Watcher, did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?

Spike: There's the thing about magic. There's always consequences. Always!

Spike: Uh ... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I had done that ... even if I didn't make it ... you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... Every night I save you.

Spike: I was going to go inside but I overheard you and the superfriends having a special moment and I came over a bit queasy. Say, aren't you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug?
Buffy: I just wanted a little time alone.
Spike: Oh, uh... Right then. [goes to leave]
Buffy: It's okay, I can be alone with you here.

Spike: Can we talk?
Buffy: Vocal-chord-wise, yes. With each other, no.

Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You English men are always so... bloody hell! [counting them on his fingers.] Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks. Oh god... I'm English.
Giles: Welcome to the nancy tribe.

[Spike looks at the name tag in the tweed jacket he's wearing.]
Spike: "Made with care for Randy"? Randy Giles? Why not just call me "Horny" Giles, or "Desperate-for-a-Shag" Giles? I knew there was a reason I hated you!
Giles: Randy's... a family name, undoubtedly.

Spike: I thought they were demons.
Buffy: Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher.

Buffy: But, when I kissed you, you know I was thinking about Giles, right?
Spike: You know, I always wondered about you two.
Buffy: Oh, gross Spike!

Spike: I may be dirt... but you're the one who likes to roll in it, Slayer.

Buffy: Will you quit that? The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. That's the power of your charms. Last night... was the most perverse... degrading experience of my life.
Spike: Yeah. Me too.
Buffy: That might get you off, but it's not my style.
Spike: No. It's your calling.

Spike:You should go.
Buffy:I thought we were having fun.
Spike:Yeah, now. But eventually your friends are going to figure out a way to bring you back to living color. Get dressed if you can find your clothes and push off, 'cause if I can't have all of you...[looks down]...hey, that's cheating.

Xander: [as Xander walks in on Spike and invisible Buffy] Spike? What are you doing?
Spike: What am I-... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I? [starts doing "push-ups"]
Xander: Exercising? Naked? In bed?
Spike: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. You gotta be fit for killin'...
Xander: Ya-huh.

Buffy: You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.
Spike: Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.
Buffy: I've been thinking about doing something in my room. I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me.
...
Spike: Do you even like me?
Buffy: [softly] Sometimes.
Spike: But you like what I do to you.
[Spike holds up a pair of handcuffs.]
Spike: Do you trust me?
Buffy: Never

[Spike's attempt to get intimate with Buffy is interrupted by Tara's arrival.]
Spike: I had a... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping.
Tara: A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
Spike:What? It's a thing

Tara: So Spike! How's that muscle cramp?
Spike: What? Oh... uh... yeah. Better.
Tara: [smirking] Maybe you should put some ice on it.

Spike: What, poor dainty Richard can't take a joke?
Buffy: [firmly] We do not joke about eating people in this house!

Buffy: Tell me you love me.
Spike: I love you... you know I do.
Buffy: Tell me you want me.
Spike: [huskily] I always want you.

Spike: It's nice to watch you be happy, for them, even, I don't see it a lot, you, uh... you glow
Buffy: That's because the dress is radioactive.

[Spike and Xander have found the demon that poisoned Buffy.]
Spike: Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik!
Xander: 'Cause I can't say Glarba...

Spike: Got something that'll dull the ache a bit?
Anya: Actually, yes. Giles left a couple of supplies here that I think just might help. Eases the hurt, makes the sun shine a little brighter, even makes boring people seem more interesting. Ah. Here. [she produces a bottle of Jack Daniels]

Anya: Hands off the merchandise, Spike. You don't get to go there again.
Spike: Please! I've already forgotten about our little time together.
Nancy: I thought you were Xander's ex-girlfriend.
Anya: I am.
Nancy: But you and Spike...?
Anya: Had a thing.
Spike: Didn't last.
Nancy: But weren't you and Buffy...?
Spike: Briefly.
Buffy: Never serious.
Nancy: Is there anyone here who hasn't slept together?
[Xander and Spike glance at each other.]

Spike: Everyone's talking to me. No one's talking to each other. Someone isn't here. Button, button, who's got the button? My money's on... the witch.

Spike: Red's a bad girl.

Spike: William's a good boy. Carries her water, carries her sin. Supposed to get easier, isn't it. Supposed to help, but it doesn't. Still so heavy.
Xander: I should've put a leash on him.
Buffy: Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire.

Buffy: Spike, this basement is killing you. This is the Hellmouth. There is something bad down here, possibly everything bad.
Spike [laughs]: Can't hear you. Can't hear you.
Buffy: You have a soul? Fine. Show me.
Spike: Scream "Montresor" all you like, pet.
Buffy: Get up and get out of this basement.
Spike: I don't have anywhere else to go.

Anya: You know you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul.
Spike: Oh, come on now, I've just explained to you...
Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.

Buffy: [concerned] Spike...
Spike: I'm gonna be OK.
Rona: That's hot.
Molly: [still taking notes] So, we're supposed to, like, make out with them or something?

[Spike lies bleeding because of his malfunctioning control chip.]
Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode—
Spike: Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.
Buffy: [sighs] Okay. You're right. Not a book thing. [pauses] It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna call?
[Buffy looks askance at him.]
Spike: God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.

Spike: Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone.
Anya: So what?
Spike: It's my bone! Just drop it.

Faith: Whatcha wanna do to her, vamp? (circles Spike) Huh? Somthin' like this? (punches Spike)
Spike: (stands) Nice punch you got there. Lemme guess. Leather pants, nice right cross, doe eyes, holier-than-thou glower...you must be Faith.
Faith: (shrugs and grins) Oh, goodie. I'm famous.
Spike: Told you were coming. Bit of a misunderstanding here. I'm—
Faith: Spike. (nods) Yeah, we've met before.
Spike: We have? I don't think we— (Faith kicks Spike in the torso) Bloody hell! What're you doing? I'm on your side.
Faith: Yeah? Maybe you haven't heard. I've reformed. (punches Spike)
Spike: So have I. (punches Faith) I reformed way before you did. (Faith punches Spike) Stop... (punches Faith) hitting... (punches Faith again) me! We're on the same side.
Faith: Please. You think I'm stupid?
Spike: Well, yeah. (grins)
Faith: You were attacking that girl. (punches Spike)
Someone punches Faith in the face, knocking her down. Pan over to show it's Buffy.

Buffy: (innocently) Sorry, Faith. I didn't realize that was you.
Faith: It's all right, B. Luckily, you still punch like you used to.
Buffy: (glares at Faith a moment, then turns to Spike) You OK?
Spike: Yeah. Terrific.
Faith: [to Buffy] ( Shocked )You're protecting vampires? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?
Buffy: He's with me. He has a soul.
Faith: Oh, he's like Angel?
Spike: No !
Buffy: Sort of.
Spike: I am nothing like Angel.
Buffy: He fights on my side. (shrugs, looks at Faith) Which is more than I can say for some of us.
Faith: Yeah, well if he's so good, what's he doing chasing down defenseless—
The young woman that Spike was chasing stands up, growls, and attacks Faith, knocking her down.
Buffy: (points to the young woman) That's one of the bad guys.
Faith: You should make 'em wear a sign. (the young woman is a vampire; Faith fights the vamp woman, and reaches around to Buffy's pocket full of stakes) May I? (takes a stake) Thanks.
Faith continues fighting the vamp woman, then stakes her.
Spike: Angel's dull as a table lamp. And we have very different coloring.
Faith: OK, catching up. Anything else I gotta know?
Buffy:Nice to have you back.

Faith: Every guy's got some whack fantasy. Scratch the surface of any granola-type dude - naughty nurses and horny cheerleaders... I figure, if you can't beat 'em—
Spike: Join 'em.
Faith: Just don't forget who's on top.
Spike: That, I suspect, would be you.
...
Spike: Cheerleaders are so trite.
Faith: It's all trite.

Andrew: You sure you don't wanna stop and pick up some burgers or something, you know, road trip food?
Spike: It's not a road trip. It's a covert operation.
Andrew: Right. Right. Gotcha... I—I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.
Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things.
Andrew: Ooh, I love those.
Spike: Yeah, me, too.
Andrew: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I—I don't understand how such a thing is possible.
Spike: See, the genius of it is, you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.
Andrew: Masterful.
Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.
Andrew: Right.

Spike: He's a breath of fresh air, isn't he? Thank god I don't breathe.

Spike: You mean "no" as in "eventually"?
Buffy: You really have problems with that word, don't you?
...
Spike: It's bloody chaos over there without you.
Buffy: It is?
Spike: Yeah, yeah, it's... there's junk, food cartons, sleeping bags not rolled up... everyone's very scared and unkempt.
...
Buffy: We were never close. You just wanted me because I was... unattainable.
Spike: You think that's all that was?
Buffy: Please, let's not go over the past.
Spike: Oh, no, no! Oh, let's hold on here! I've hummed along to your pity ditty. I think I should have the mic for a bit.
Buffy: Fine. The stage is yours. Cheer me up.
Spike: You're insufferable.
Buffy: Thank you. That really helped.
Spike: I'm not tryin' to cheer you up.
Buffy: Then what are you trying to say?
Spike: I don't know! I'll know when I'm done sayin' it. Something pissed me off, and I just-- "unattainable," that's it.
Buffy: Fine. I'm attainable. I'm a-- I'm an "attain-a-thon." May I please just go to sleep?
Spike: You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. Don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood... which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred-plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You... Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the One, Buffy.
Buffy: I don't want to be the One.
Spike: I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.

Buffy: Let me guess you can smell him.
Spike: Yeah, that and I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs to watch you kissing him.
Buffy: It was a hello.
Spike: Most people don't say hello with their tongues, or I guess they do, but-
Buffy: There were no tongues and besides he's gone.
Spike: Oh, just popped by for a quickie then."
Buffy: Good, good, I haven't had enough jealous vampire crap for one night."
Spike: You know he wears lifts, you know.
[Buffy looks at the drawing of Angel on Spike's punchbag]
Buffy: You know, one of these days I'm just gonna put two you in a room and let you wrestle it out.
Spike: No problem at this end.
Buffy: There could be oil of some kind involved.
Spike: Where's the trinket?
Buffy: The hooket?"
Spike: The pretty necklace your sweetybag gave you. The one with all the power. I believe it's mine now.
[Holds out his hand]
Buffy: How do you figure?
Spike: Someone with a soul, but more than human. If Angel meant to wear it that means I'm the qualified party.
Buffy: It's volatile. We don't-
Spike: Then you need someone strong to bear it. Planning to give it to Andrew?
Buffy: Angel also said that the amulet was meant to be worn by a champion.
[Spike drops his hand and hangs his head. Buffy moves forward and hands the necklace to him]
Spike: I've been called a lot things in my time.
Buffy: Faith still has my room.
Spike: Well you're not staying here! You can't buy me off with shiny beads and sweetthorp. You've got Angelbreath. I'm not just gonna let you whack me back and forth like a rubber ball. I've got my pride, you know.
Buffy: I understand.
Spike: Well clearly you don't cause the whole having the pride thing was just a smokescreen.
[Buffy breathes a sigh of relief]
Buffy: Oh, thank God.
Spike: I don't know what I woulda done if you had gone up those stairs.
[Buffy puts a hand to his cheek]

Spike: I think it's fair to say that school's out for the bloody summer.
...
Spike: I... I can feel it.
Buffy: What?
Spike: My soul. It's really there. Kind of stings.
...
Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don't, but thanks for saying it. Now go. I want to see how it ends.