everything seems to be moving very quickly and changing so quickly that it looks like you lose the ground under your feet faster than you could find another point of support. what i told about the online diaries, i have a perception that auditorium represents for their authors somebody they could talk to because it is featureless. that is delusion. it does not matter still. sometimes i want to appear in the meadow at the sunshine, it does matter. all this people i left behind, the flashes of recollections - there are lot of them. the more you analyze your life, the worse desperation you feel, just because you really dont know where eventually you are headed. it is a problem particularly in order to seek more inspiration that is nessesary under the circumstances. i know at least there is no way to veer.