Ellcrys все записи автора November 1988

Back in  the 70's I did acid  a few times,  but in the ten years since then I  had no access to the  stuff, nor was I particularly interested
because  of other pursuits.   Recently I have  been studying cognitive and  neural systems,  which  has  revived my   interest  in  issues of consciousness and perception.  I was delighted therefore when a friend offered  to share two last  hits he had  saved in the freezer from the days of his own wild youth.  I had  vague recollections from ten years ago  of wierd sensations  and hallucinations  and I  prepared  for the 'experiment' with  a   checklist  of questions   to  myself about   my experiences.  The questions were in the nature of "How does the visual world look?" "How do you experience sounds?" "can you compute 345/15?" and the like.  I looked forward  to the experience with great interest and curiosity.

We went  to my place  that  night and  made ourselves comfortable, and when things started turning weird,  I pulled out my checklist.   First of all, the notion  of having a checklist seemed  at the time to be so hilariously funny that my friend  and  I were doubled up with laughter for a long  long  time before I could   get to any  of  the  questions seriously.  It was a kind of laughter that  I havent experienced since childhood, a deep  and overwealming mirth that shook  my whole body to the core and tears were streaming down our cheeks as we gasped happily for breath.  Each  new  question   occasioned a  renewed  outburst  of helpless laughter until we were thoroughly exhausted.

When I finally got  aroud  to the questions I discovered  a  fact that leaves me  astounded  to  this   day.  I answered every   one  of  the
perceptual questions exactly as  I would have while  stone cold sober. The reason why this was so surprising was that I was  actually feeling very very different.   In fact I was  feeling exceeding peculiar.   In fact words  cannot express how  strange I  was  feeling, and  yet,  my sensations of the world  around me were  exactly as they are normally. So, I asked myself, what is it that  is actually different?  Well, the sights and sounds and smells were the  same.  It  was my perception of them that was different.   This experience gave me a  new appreciation for  the word perception.   Normally  we think  that if  we observe an object, a  pencil in your hand  for instance, we see   exactly that, a pencil, the real pencil,  and nothing but  the pencil.  It came to  me that  that is not the  case.  Even when regarding as matter-of-factual an object as a common everyday pencil, we perceive it through a filter of our own perspective, our own  view of things.   This perspective is normally so ordinary and unremarkable  that we are not  even  aware of it, but it was exactly this perspective, our view of the  world around us, that is altered by the drug.  It brought my attention to something that I had been totally unaware of although it has been in front of me all my life.

It is somewhat  like the experience  of  intently watching some  event unfold before your eyes, and suddenly becoming aware of  the fact that you are watching it  on television.  Shifting  your attention from the event itself to the glowing   phosphor  dots on  the screen.  You  are looking at the same thing, and you are seeing the same thing, but your perception of  it  has altered  radically.  Well the  same  thing  was happening to my own senses.  Suddenly I was aware of the fact that the world around me is not the real physical world, but only a view of the world as it impinges on my  senses.  That the image of  the  pencil is not a pencil, but a  pattern of neural activity  in my  visual cortex. Of course this is no new scientific revelation, I knew that all along. But now I  could  feel it,  I could  perceive  it in  a  way  that has permanently altered my way of thinking about consciousness.