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Создан: 14.05.2006
Записей: 213
Комментариев: 237
Написано: 112

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

Дневник

Четверг, 12 Октября 2006 г. 00:33 + в цитатник
stuart1861 (HowMuchWatch) все записи автора This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
Рубрики:  Jeer Joker (анекдоты как таковые)

W O R D S

Дневник

Среда, 04 Октября 2006 г. 00:09 + в цитатник
stuart1861 (HowMuchWatch) все записи автора A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day -
30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything
to men.

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
Рубрики:  Jeer Joker (анекдоты как таковые)

=)

Дневник

Среда, 23 Августа 2006 г. 00:21 + в цитатник
Белый_Лич (HowMuchWatch) все записи автора

Russians refresh themselves with this cold soup made of ice-cold kvass (weird national drink most closely compared to non-alcoholic beer), sausage, cucumbers, onions, boiled eggs and sour cream - just imagine this horrendous concoction!!... And guess what they call this "soup" ... They call it "Ohkroshka"... pretty difficult to articulate, huh? And now get ready for a translation. "Ohkroshka" means "Oh baby"!

Реальное изложение по английскому языку в школе на тему Иван Сусанин.
Forest,forest,forest...
Animals,animals,animals...
In the midle of the forest there's Ivan Susanin.
"Where's the road to the Moscow"-asked him nemetsko-fashistkaia gadina.
"I don't know!"-answer Susanin the hero of the Soviet Union.

Рубрики:  Jeer Joker (анекдоты как таковые)

:D :D :D

Дневник

Пятница, 11 Августа 2006 г. 23:26 + в цитатник
Nad_Gamgee (HowMuchWatch) все записи автора Tourist: Is it true that the bears around here won't attack you if you're carrying a flashlight?
Park Ranger: That depends on how fast you're carrying the
flashlight.

~~~~~
- Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
- He was dead.
- Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
- Monkey see, monkey do.
- Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
- Peer pressure.

~~~~~
Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. After that, it will be okay, because you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.

~~~~~
На занятиях по военной подготовке майор делает перекличку и
уточняет инициалы:
- Иванов!
- Я!
- А.Ю.?
- I am!
-----------------------------
На уроке английского учитель договариваясь о встрече сказал: "We
will still meet on Wednesday."
Один из студентов, сделал при этом круглые глаза, поняв фразу как:
"We will steal meat on Wednesday???"
Рубрики:  Jeer Joker (анекдоты как таковые)
In Nature (студенческие и нестуденческие перлы)

Bush Jr.

Дневник

Четверг, 15 Июня 2006 г. 01:03 + в цитатник
Nad_Gamgee (HowMuchWatch) все записи автора Hearing so many people speaking about his intelligence level, George Bush Jr. decided to get his brain checked. The physician diagnosis was. Mr President, you have two brains, the left and the right, like all normal people. The problem is - in your left brain there is nothing right, and in your right brain there is nothing left."
Рубрики:  Jeer Joker (анекдоты как таковые)

Jocose & Witty Phrases

Дневник

Среда, 07 Июня 2006 г. 00:18 + в цитатник
Nad_Gamgee (HowMuchWatch) все записи автора Jocose & Witty Phrases

1. A Story about Dyslectic Devil-Worshipper Who Sold His Soul To Santa.
2. My name is Pont. James Pont.
3. Rest in Pieces. (my fav)
4. Don't worry, but memento mori.
5. Politics: from "poli"= many, "tics" (ticks) = blood-sucking parasites.
6. All rigts ignored.
Рубрики:  Jeer Joker (анекдоты как таковые)

Two Irishmen

Дневник

Среда, 17 Мая 2006 г. 00:07 + в цитатник
Nad_Gamgee (HowMuchWatch) все записи автора Прислал немец Ralph Kuehne. (includes F-words, so rated ;) )

TWO IRISHMEN

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.

When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"

Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, and ten we can tell them apart."

"Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy.

This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the house.

"Paddy" he said, "Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my Fookin Pig.

Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell who owns which fookin pig.?"

"Well Paddy," says Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig.

Ten we'll ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear".

"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again stormed into the house.

"Paddy", he said, "Your fookin pig has chewed the other ear offa my fookin pig!!!."

"Now, we got two fookin pigs with no fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns which fookin pig?"

"Ah, dis is serious, Paddy" said Paddy. " I'll tell ya what I'll do.
I'll cut de tail offa my fookin pig. Den we'll av two fookin pigs with no fookin ears and only one fookin tail."

"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Another couple of weeks went by and..........you guessed it, Paddy stormed into the house once more.

"PADDY," shouted Paddy, "YOUR FOOKIN PIG HAS CHEWED THE FOOKIN TAIL OFFA MY FOOKIN PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO FOOKIN PIGS WITH NO FOOKIN EARS AND NO FOOKIN TAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

HOW DE FOOK ARE WE GONNA FOOKIN TELL 'EM APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ah, Fook it" says Paddy, "how's about you have the black one, and I'll have the white one"
Рубрики:  Jeer Joker (анекдоты как таковые)


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